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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2005
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    Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda

    2006 Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda

    Excerpt

    FIRST, we will finally kill the Patriot Act so that no member of Al Qaeda will fear using our libraries to access international websites, access their email, or do basic research on major US installations and population centers. We will guarantee full privacy due anyone who makes it to our shores without question. In addition, we will roll back all provisions that put terrorism on an equal footing with Drug Traffickers and Organized Crime, which we understand greatly insults members of Al Qaeda who consider themselves above drug lords.

    SECOND, We will enact legislation to release all Al Qaeda members now held in custody in the GITMO Gulag, while providing legal counsel to all who have been unfairly detained during this unfortunate international misunderstanding between Al Qaeda and America. We will ensure all detainees have options for bail and parole so they can continue with their life’s efforts while the legal issues surrounding their detention are worked out. Every ex-detainee will be provided the services of an ACLU lawyer.

    THIRD, we will pass legislation ensuring that all Al Qaeda members will be free from government monitoring of their phone calls and emails with comrades back home monitored without probable cause. Probable cause will not include the normal desire to call home to friends and family. We see this act as protecting US citizens and Al Qaeda alike from warrantless surveillance.

    FOURTH, as part of our revamping of immigration laws, we will ensure Al Qaeda members are treated the same as any other illegal immigrant now in America. We will provide you amnesty, a driver’s license, health care and education support once you are able to sneak past our borders.

    FIFTH, as with warrantless electronic surveillance and in anticipation of pending civil lawsuits, we plan to pass legislation that bans warrantless searches of person and luggage at airports and other major transportation centers. It makes no sense to allow random searches of travelers if we are going to end targeted surveillance of communications. And we find both actions to be religious profiling and against the common sense norms of all liberal Americans.

    SIXTH, Also, in line with the unfair targeting of Al Qaeda communications and persons travelling, we plan to submit legislation ending the practice of no-fly lists. This practice is biased towards people with common names and has limited the rights to travel of nuns and babies in the past.

    SEVENTH, in an effort to demonstrate our sincere apologies for the actions of President Bush towards Al Qaeda, we plan to return the State of Iraq to the despot dictator of Al Qaeda’s choice by calling for the immediate withdrawal of our military forces to the safety of European soil. We encourage Al Qaeda to do what they please with the Iraqi people.

    EIGHTH, we will submit and pass legislation that will mandate any questioning by US agents of Al Qaeda members to (a) be done in the presence of an ACLU lawyer, (b) never last more than 30 minutes, (c) be done indoors, in climate controlled conditions, (d) include an offering of proper food and beverage and (e) require every question to use the word ‘please’.

    NINE, we promise to immediately begin impeachment of Al Qaeda’s most dangerous enemy, the Imperial President W Bush, and we will promise to not stop our efforts until we have removed this thorn in Al Qaeda’s side - even if we have to make up scandals to get it done.

    Full Article

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    12,866

    Re: Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda

    Very funny. Your sense of humor is improving Grim. :D

    Hey, did you make any more of those mp3's? That one you posted was good.

    Lady Mod

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    SW United States
    Posts
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    Re: Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda

    I have others, but I won't post them till the time is right...

    Now since we know who the democratic nominee will be for 2008, I can share one of my favorite gif's I've made.

    http://grim.solutionsd.com/av/hill.gif
    .

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    12,866

    Re: Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda

    Quote Originally Posted by Grim17
    I have others, but I won't post them till the time is right...

    Now since we know who the democratic nominee will be for 2008, I can share one of my favorite gif's I've made.

    http://grim.solutionsd.com/av/hill.gif
    .
    Geez Grim, that's a very accurate depiction. How did you catch her without her makeup on?

    LOL

  5. #5
    umdkook Guest

    Re: Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda

    Quote Originally Posted by Grim17
    2006 Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda

    Excerpt

    FIRST, we will finally kill the Patriot Act so that no member of Al Qaeda will fear using our libraries to access international websites, access their email, or do basic research on major US installations and population centers. We will guarantee full privacy due anyone who makes it to our shores without question. In addition, we will roll back all provisions that put terrorism on an equal footing with Drug Traffickers and Organized Crime, which we understand greatly insults members of Al Qaeda who consider themselves above drug lords.

    SECOND, We will enact legislation to release all Al Qaeda members now held in custody in the GITMO Gulag, while providing legal counsel to all who have been unfairly detained during this unfortunate international misunderstanding between Al Qaeda and America. We will ensure all detainees have options for bail and parole so they can continue with their life’s efforts while the legal issues surrounding their detention are worked out. Every ex-detainee will be provided the services of an ACLU lawyer.

    THIRD, we will pass legislation ensuring that all Al Qaeda members will be free from government monitoring of their phone calls and emails with comrades back home monitored without probable cause. Probable cause will not include the normal desire to call home to friends and family. We see this act as protecting US citizens and Al Qaeda alike from warrantless surveillance.

    FOURTH, as part of our revamping of immigration laws, we will ensure Al Qaeda members are treated the same as any other illegal immigrant now in America. We will provide you amnesty, a driver’s license, health care and education support once you are able to sneak past our borders.

    FIFTH, as with warrantless electronic surveillance and in anticipation of pending civil lawsuits, we plan to pass legislation that bans warrantless searches of person and luggage at airports and other major transportation centers. It makes no sense to allow random searches of travelers if we are going to end targeted surveillance of communications. And we find both actions to be religious profiling and against the common sense norms of all liberal Americans.

    SIXTH, Also, in line with the unfair targeting of Al Qaeda communications and persons travelling, we plan to submit legislation ending the practice of no-fly lists. This practice is biased towards people with common names and has limited the rights to travel of nuns and babies in the past.

    SEVENTH, in an effort to demonstrate our sincere apologies for the actions of President Bush towards Al Qaeda, we plan to return the State of Iraq to the despot dictator of Al Qaeda’s choice by calling for the immediate withdrawal of our military forces to the safety of European soil. We encourage Al Qaeda to do what they please with the Iraqi people.

    EIGHTH, we will submit and pass legislation that will mandate any questioning by US agents of Al Qaeda members to (a) be done in the presence of an ACLU lawyer, (b) never last more than 30 minutes, (c) be done indoors, in climate controlled conditions, (d) include an offering of proper food and beverage and (e) require every question to use the word ‘please’.

    NINE, we promise to immediately begin impeachment of Al Qaeda’s most dangerous enemy, the Imperial President W Bush, and we will promise to not stop our efforts until we have removed this thorn in Al Qaeda’s side - even if we have to make up scandals to get it done.

    Full Article
    its pathetic, yes simply pathetic, that someone wrote this AND you read it and thought it was good enough to post for other people to read.
    to think that you really agree liberals would want to run this country so as to allow Al Queda to do whatever they want is crazy. to think that you would take notice of this article is normal however, given your usual gibberish.

    you know damn well if some A-hole had the pathetic time to sit down and counter everyone of those arguments with his own satire on this, it would look and sound just as stupid ...it might start like this.

    FIRST, we will extend the Patriot Act so that teh President can continue allowing the spying of any American he feels could be "bad". We let the government look into our personal records that should be private, and do not question why our 90 year old white neighbor got spied on but not the 25 year old Libyan across the street simply becuase we know the spying must be "fair and non-discriminatory".

    SECOND, we will continue to capture and throw into prison suspected al queda and Iraqi insurgent's wives until their "cowardly" husbands come out of hiding to claim their wives. We will beat and torture little boys who most likely know nothing, while letting the very rich Saudis who we know are more involved than little Muhamed fly around teh world, jetting through any US city he pleases, simply becuase his Uncle owns 20 oil fields.

    THIRD, empty part here since the one presented makes no sense. if ther were al queda members known to be al queda, they wouldnt be making fone calls to be monitored, theyd be arrested.

    Fourth, we will continue to do nothing about the influx of illegal Mexican immigrants in the south, and rather focus on protecting the Iraqi/Syrian border. wow did you know there are hundreds of unprotected and unfenced miles of border between syria/iraq??

    FIFTH, we will shoot ourselves in face cause we realize how pathetic we are.

    enjoy!
    Last edited by umdkook; 02-08-2006 at 07:05 AM.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    SW United States
    Posts
    6,643

    Re: Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda

    I seem to have struck a nerve there... Shall we examine each one and see if any of those reflect what the democrats have been standing up for?

    #1 "we will finally kill the Patriot Act" Enough said on this one.

    #2 "Gulag" and "providing legal counsel to all who have been unfairly detained" Those the Democrats have uttered a time or two. "Every ex-detainee will be provided the services of an ACLU lawyer" Now this one I have never heard, but it sounds like a liberal wet dream to me.

    #3 "we will pass legislation ensuring that all Al Qaeda members will be free from government monitoring of their phone calls and emails with comrades back home monitored without probable cause." Ding ding ding!!!!!

    #4 Sounds like the democratic platform to me.

    #5 This one is a bit of a stretch

    #6 "we plan to submit legislation ending the practice of no-fly lists. This practice is biased towards people with common names and has limited the rights to travel of nuns and babies in the past." Now we're back to normal.

    #7 The only thing that hits the nail on the head here is this: "calling for the immediate withdrawal of our military forces to the safety of European soil." The rest is exaggeration.

    #8 This one is just damn funny.

    #9 And this one is just plain ACCURATE!

    Over all, I think it hits pretty close to Boston.

    .

  7. #7
    umdkook Guest

    Re: Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda

    Quote Originally Posted by Grim17
    I seem to have struck a nerve there... Shall we examine each one and see if any of those reflect what the democrats have been standing up for?

    #1 "we will finally kill the Patriot Act" Enough said on this one.

    #2 "Gulag" and "providing legal counsel to all who have been unfairly detained" Those the Democrats have uttered a time or two. "Every ex-detainee will be provided the services of an ACLU lawyer" Now this one I have never heard, but it sounds like a liberal wet dream to me.

    #3 "we will pass legislation ensuring that all Al Qaeda members will be free from government monitoring of their phone calls and emails with comrades back home monitored without probable cause." Ding ding ding!!!!!

    #4 Sounds like the democratic platform to me.

    #5 This one is a bit of a stretch

    #6 "we plan to submit legislation ending the practice of no-fly lists. This practice is biased towards people with common names and has limited the rights to travel of nuns and babies in the past." Now we're back to normal.

    #7 The only thing that hits the nail on the head here is this: "calling for the immediate withdrawal of our military forces to the safety of European soil." The rest is exaggeration.

    #8 This one is just damn funny.

    #9 And this one is just plain ACCURATE!

    Over all, I think it hits pretty close to Boston.

    .
    um , what???

    ill just ask you one thing....has there ever been a reported case where the authorities have said "becuase of the Patriot act, we were able to ...." and fill in teh blank with something real and useful to society.

    youre still not making sense about saying Dems would want AL queda member to get citizenship status and fight for them in courts or watever...its one thing to make a joke, but you are really proposing that as a real Democratic ideal.

  8. #8
    umdkook Guest

    Re: Democrat Contract With Al Qaeda

    for number 9---there doesnt need to be any made up scandals, Bush and his friends provide enough on their own, hes just "smart" enough to keep himself far enough away from them.

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