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Thread: How to Leave?

  1. #1

    How to Leave?

    Hi everyone. I'm new to these boards, and I'd like to jump right in with a question. I've been doing some research on MLMs today, so I am going to copy and paste an email I wrote to the administrator of another website earlier today. I use some Amway/Quixtar lingo, so if you don't know what it means, please ask.

    Good Afternoon:

    I realize that you get many emails, so thank you for taking the time to read.

    I am a 26-year-old IBO. When I was approximately 13 years old, my parents joined Amway. My father quit actively building the business after several years, but my mother continues. Now that I am an adult, I can see how this has hurt their marriage, perhaps irreparably. I grew up in the business and went to all the major functions. I met Dexter Yager several times and spent countless weekends with our upline Emeralds, who are personally sponsored by Dexter and Birdie.

    I am able credit my time around the business with some good. For example, I learned the value of having a positive attitude. In fact, my boss recently promoted me, citing my positive attitude. I am glad that someone told me about books such as How to Win Friends and Influence People.

    However, after months of soul searching and research, I now understand that I was brainwashed. For 13 years, I was given false hope. I never took school seriously because I honestly believed my parents, myself and all of our friends in the business would be Diamonds one day. (Most of them have now quit. My mom has reached the 7500 level, but never more than once per year). I was never worried about a career or the future, because we were all going to be Diamonds. Why would these people lie to me? I never doubted them. There are lots of reasons I believe I have been brainwashed and I could give examples of why I am confused and hurt, but I do not want to bore you. If you would like specifics, please let me know.

    I was married 5 years ago and my husband was practically threatened by our upline Emerald. I was STRONGLY encouraged not to marry him unless he went Q12. Thankfully, I was smart enough to ignore that advice and marry my husband anyway. My husband and I are IBOs; however, the highest level we reached was 1000 and while we go to functions, we are not actively trying to recruit new prospects.

    There is a function coming up this weekend in Memphis, and I don't want to go. I really want to quit, and just buy product from my mom. I am ready to take responsibility for my life and move forward with my own plan for my life. I am the only supportive family my mom has, and I'm very worried about how to give her the news. I am afraid she will be very depressed, and I know she won't understand. She found Amway/Quixtar at a very vulnerable time in her life, and since she is older and more set in her ways than I, she will not believe anything but the best about our upline and the system.

    How can I get my life back without ruining my mother's?

    Again, thank you for taking the time to read my email. Any advice you can offer will be greatly appreciated.

    <>

    That's the end of my email. I cannot fully expect anyone else to understand why I'm so apprehensive about telling my mom. I am the last person who believes in her, and I am afraid it will crush her. I love her, and we've had some good times because of the business. We've visited some places we'd never have visited otherwise and had a lot of fun together. I wish my mom could've saved all the money she's spent on the business. She'd have quite a small fortune by now! So, if anyone has been in a similar situation to mine, what did you do? How did you break the news gently? Or, do you continue to pretend to support something you don't really believe in anymore?

    I realize this is long - thanks to anyone who actually read the whole thing!! :)
    Last edited by YoursTruly; 01-17-2006 at 12:49 AM.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Chicago/Kouts,Indiana
    Posts
    33

    Re: How to Leave?

    Wow, I was going to ask about WWW.THISBIZNOW.COM I was approached by a family member this past weekend asking me if I wanted to own a bussiness, I recall being approached with this same line years ago from ppl from a church that everyone was involved in Amway & if you didn't join Amway yer butt was out the door & going to hell. Unless i am completly blind I don't see how Amway survives in todays world. AnywayI would escape the ordeal by telling you mom respectfully that your intrests & dreams have takin a turn. The drive for the big dollor is nice, but you would be a poorer man if ya never see an eagle fly. Buy you a nice reliable vehicle & take a drive on the ALCAN HWY this summer & see heaven without dying. Amway or this new spring they have wont make you a millionaire , you have better odds robbing Fort Knox. I never met anyone that recently made money off that organization. I know a distributer but he has been a distibuter for like 13 years & he still lives at home in Lansing,Illinois and you thought startrek geeks were losers. Ya have to live your own life.
    HEATHER FOREVER!!!!!Heather O'Rourke,I Love you!!:D 1975 -1988

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    1,104

    Re: How to Leave?

    YoursTruly - While being honest and truthful is a fine character trait and a virtue, it is not necessary to be painfully honest. You need not tell your mother that you know this thing is a scam, especially since you are well aware that she is very attached to it.
    It's very easy for you to opt out - simply stop ordering - you are over 18 and not required to answer to anyone but yourself. Do not allow anyone with this organization to draw you into an arguement over this. Sometimes saying nothing at all says alot.
    You may suggest to your mother that one way for her to reach that "whatever level" would be to funnel all the sales through her. Then tell her about the dreams you and your husband have for your life - careers, education, a trade, or whatever. She's your mom - even if she's disappointed she loves you and wants your dreams to be realized. One very important point you made was that your mutual involvement has afforded you time together. I think that is the real answer you seek - So make the time for her (lunch date, shopping, just invite her over). It may require alot at first, but you'll move into a happy rhythm again. You should also plant the seed that she is capable of other things - just the same as you. She may just surprise you! (what if she was holding on for your sake?).
    Grandchildren are also a great common denominator - if you have kids engage them into extra grandma activities - if not - well there's no time like the present (haha).
    I wish you well.

  4. #4

    Re: How to Leave?

    Thanks. What you said makes sense. I know that she'll love me in the end, no matter what.

    I don't believe that she's staying in the business for me. I have heard her say many times that she'd never quit on Bob & Jenny (not their real names), her sponsors, because they have spent so much time helping her. Also, I think she feels a responsibility to the people in her group and would never "quit on them."

    All I can do is live my life the best way I know how. I feel so much better now that I realize there are options besides the business. I understand how idiotic that may sound to someone who wasn't raised in the business, but they managed to convince me that any job or career outside of the business could never work. I guess I'll just have to show them!!

  5. #5

    Re: How to Leave?

    Quote Originally Posted by linda49
    YoursTruly - While being honest and truthful is a fine character trait and a virtue, it is not necessary to be painfully honest. You need not tell your mother that you know this thing is a scam, especially since you are well aware that she is very attached to it.
    It's very easy for you to opt out - simply stop ordering - you are over 18 and not required to answer to anyone but yourself. Do not allow anyone with this organization to draw you into an arguement over this. Sometimes saying nothing at all says alot.
    You may suggest to your mother that one way for her to reach that "whatever level" would be to funnel all the sales through her. Then tell her about the dreams you and your husband have for your life - careers, education, a trade, or whatever. She's your mom - even if she's disappointed she loves you and wants your dreams to be realized. One very important point you made was that your mutual involvement has afforded you time together. I think that is the real answer you seek - So make the time for her (lunch date, shopping, just invite her over). It may require alot at first, but you'll move into a happy rhythm again. You should also plant the seed that she is capable of other things - just the same as you. She may just surprise you! (what if she was holding on for your sake?).
    Grandchildren are also a great common denominator - if you have kids engage them into extra grandma activities - if not - well there's no time like the present (haha).
    I wish you well.
    Good Advice. I agree that you can leave the business while not raining on your mom's parade. Continue to support her (not only with sales, but with encouragement, advice, etc.) Since you have been in the business, you will still be a good sound board for her to bounce ideas off of. It looks like the business is important to your mom, so I would never say anything detrimental about it....who knows, maybe you can still go with her to the larger events? That might be fun....you don't have to be an IBO to attend, and you can still have that important quality time with your mom and be supporting her business at the same time. Just an idea.

    Good Luck! :)

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    631

    Re: How to Leave?

    Quote Originally Posted by YoursTruly
    Thanks. What you said makes sense. I know that she'll love me in the end, no matter what.

    I don't believe that she's staying in the business for me. I have heard her say many times that she'd never quit on Bob & Jenny (not their real names), her sponsors, because they have spent so much time helping her. Also, I think she feels a responsibility to the people in her group and would never "quit on them."

    All I can do is live my life the best way I know how. I feel so much better now that I realize there are options besides the business. I understand how idiotic that may sound to someone who wasn't raised in the business, but they managed to convince me that any job or career outside of the business could never work. I guess I'll just have to show them!!
    Good luck, YoursTruly. Your story is very, very sad to me, and I understand exactly where you are coming from. Can you think of any other business that causes this kind of issue and emotional attachment and anguish? Me neither. There IS life outside of network marketing, and you CAN "make it" in many other ways. So go for it.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    1

    Re: How to Leave?

    I saw Dexter Yager's name mentioned in this thread...

    Let me simply say THIS about Dexter Yager...

    After 18 years in the Scamway/Quitar business, I could sum up the WHOLE operation in one simple Phrase.. "All Show, No Dough"...

    I spent MUCH time personally with Dexter, Birdie, and hundreds of the Diamonds in that organization. I got to know many of them on a personal basis, First-name, even..I "worked", or in layman's terms, ran major functions for my own organization, which was a "sweet older lady" named Helen Huebner (what a manipulator she proved herself to be..!!!). She regularly brought in speakers, who were supposedly wealthy beyond belief. Helen sadly has ended up with serious dementia, and has now lost virtually all her so-called business/group.

    I did a quick mental calculation recently, and my end result was this...Today, almost all of those leaders/guest speakers Helen brought in are today either Divorced, Bankrupt, Quit the Biz, Terminated, in Jail, ... Sad isn't it.. All those people who we revered as Business Leaders, Successful entrepreneurs, Upholders of Morality, etc, etc... What a pile of useless trash... Dex, Birdie, and his sons (who I also got to know personally) are simply manipulators and users of people..... Just like In Britain now, there will be federal lawsuits against Scamway/Quitar, and class-action suits against those so-called leaders.. Even tho we had freedom of choice to participate and spend our hard-earned dollars, we still trusted in someone we often had built a relationship before "the biz" and sadly, they did little more than "used us"...

    Dexter company, or rather, his Sons' company, Internet Services Corp, produced pure drivel "support system" materials, including Tapes, CDs, DVDs, VCR tapes, and other tools, designed simply to milk maximum dollars for minimum investment. The only valuable "tools" were most of the motivational books that could always be had for less $$ on the open market, but, heyy... we were supporting our upline's business, right..!!!!! What a joke..

    Today, even the Scamway Corp (the Quixtar name has now been canned..!!), is in turmoil, terminating leaders who had the integrity to stand up and be counted. Those men suffer now for telling the truth about the illegal tools systems, and begging the corp to return to their roots, and lower costs, and re-establish a retail-based business. Tens and soon hundreds of thousands of IBOs (no longer independent, they are now called ABOs - Amway's Business Owners) have quit in frustration of anger, since they now have "seen the light".

    I could tell horror story after horror story with my experience of being "inside the veil", working behind the scenes at "functions". Anyone wanting to know more about the "Real Deal" can simply msg me, I will check in occasionally, and gladly offer what I can to unmask the real thieves....

    humbly

    DJMBS

    PS, I am now excited and dreaming again, after hooking up with Paul Orberson and his awesome FHTM company... Our business is growing just as we were shown, and the incomes are growing just like our comp plan states...It's a breath of fresh air, working with FHTM and their top earners..!!
    Last edited by djmbs; 01-08-2008 at 02:41 AM.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    2,298

    Re: How to Leave?

    Quote Originally Posted by djmbs View Post
    After 18 years in the Scamway/Quitar business, I could sum up the WHOLE operation in one simple Phrase.. "All Show, No Dough"...

    I did a quick mental calculation recently, and my end result was this...Today, almost all of those leaders/guest speakers Helen brought in are today either Divorced, Bankrupt, Quit the Biz, Terminated, in Jail, ... Sad isn't it.. All those people who we revered as Business Leaders, Successful entrepreneurs, Upholders of Morality, etc, etc... What a pile of useless trash... Dex, Birdie, and his sons (who I also got to know personally) are simply manipulators and users of people.....
    That's a rather harsh assessment, don't you think, DJMBS? :yelcutelaughA:

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