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  1. #1
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    Feb 2005
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    Christmas for Dummies...

    I am a christian, but I have to admit, we do go overboard about this time of year. I remember when Christmas actually meant something akin to a spiritual celebration. For once, the president and his wife did something I am actually proud of.
    ********************************************

    Christmas For Dummies

    Are you beginning to get the picture? Are you starting to understand better just why 15th century Europeans chased fundamentalist Christians off their continent centuries ago? Because they can they are never satisfied, never know when enough is enough, because it's NEVER enough. They have taken the art of being annoying to levels that make it impossible to just ignore them. They simply will NOT practice their faith quietly. They will NOT be ignored. Instead they keep getting up everyone else's nose until everyone else says, "enough!" Leave. Just leave!

    Yeah, I know, that's not how today's Christians tell the story. They say they had to flee to the New World because they were being "oppressed." They always say that when people refuse to buy into what ever nonsense they happen to be peddling at the time. I'm sure 16th century Europeans had plenty of more interesting and profitable things to do back then than waste their time harassing a few thousand nut-fringe Christians.

    Whether fundamentalist ("Puritan") Christians were indeed oppressed or tossed out of Europe for cause, I suspect they brought it upon themselves. And, the minute they landed in the New World, they've been working overtime to wear their welcome out here as well.


    (Moments in History: Did you know that the Puritans actually outlawed the celebration of Christmas for the first quarter century they spent in the New World? Yep. People started having too much fun, enjoying food, drink and engaging in general merriment. They put a stop to it. Meanwhile, back in Europe folks were finally able to enjoy Christmas without having a people with big hats and small minds grousing about it.)


    I only mention this because of the flap our modern Puritan-numbskull-nags are making over the word "Christmas" this year. They are not satisfied that we now have include their pretend friend, Jesus Christ, shoved down kid's brains in public schools, and his stony image planted in front of public buildings, but now they insist we put his name on all things Holiday Season.

    I have nothing against Christmas, not the day or the word. The word is everywhere. "Christmas Sale!" and "Christmas present," and "Christmas Eve." I even like Christmas carols – at least until I burn out on them -- which is usually around noon Christmas day.

    But fundamentalist Christians believe this season – all of it -- is the exclusive property of Christians – even though that belief is demonstrably untrue.

    The last time I checked the IRS taxes Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, other non-Christians and atheists all at the same rate. That means all those non-Christians pay a portion of the First Family's overhead too. But the fundamentalists are now ragging on the Bush's for doing the right thing, using the generic, "Happy Holidays," on cards sent out to thousands of Americans, only some of whom are Christian.

    "Outrageous!" they scream. Christmas begins with "Christ" and now the White House has banished Christ! They insist the White House use "Merry Christmas" in their annual cards. Makes one wonder though how Rev. Jerry Falwell would react if his White House card next year was inscribed, "Happy Hanukkah!" George & Laura Bush." I don't think we have to wonder long.


    Bush “claims to be a born-again, evangelical Christian. But he sure doesn’t act like one,” said Joseph Farah, editor of the conservative Web site WorldNetDaily.com. “I threw out my White House card as soon as I got it.” (Full Story)


    You see fundamentalist Christians believe they own this holiday, and not just some of it, but all of it. Never mind that Hanukkah is also celebrated at this time by Jews, or that New Years is included as part of the "holiday season." Fundamentalist Christians insist Christ holds the exclusive copyright on the whole thing and, therefore, all of it – the sales, the trees and the cards – be Christly branded.

    Let me stop here and say not all Christians are either obnoxious or uncaring. Millions are more than happy to share the season with other faiths and secularists. But fundamentalist Christians want it all. Puritans always do. They argue that this holiday is all Christian because it celebrates the birth of their savior. (How about Merry Birthday?" Just a thought.)

    As a person who long ago ceased believing in fables, I don't buy the virgin birth business to begin with. The whole Christmas fable is suspect. I do believe Jesus was real and born roughly around what we now call the First Century AD. And that his mother was Mary. But that's where the facts stop and the fancy begins. From there I have to extrapolate. Mary must have gotten pregnant by someone other than husband Joe. What makes me suspect this? Because she concocted the most unbelievable "how I got pregnant" tale since the "I must have sat on a dirty toilet seat," excuse, that's why.

    Okay, that was bit harsh. We must remember that poor young Mary lived in a culture where women had no rights whatsoever. And women caught (or even suspected) of doing anything remotely normal, were likely to get stoned to death. Who knows how Mary got pregnant. Local girls were routinely raped by occupying Roman soldiers, and rape was treated the same as adultery in those days. (And it remains that way to this day in large parts of the Middle East, India and Pakistan, which is why rape, while prevalent, is rarely reported.)

    So Mary had a problem – a life and death problem. Since apparitions couldn't be tortured into spilling the beans, an amorous apparition was Mary's best chance of avoiding becoming the former Mrs. Joseph. So, she went for it, and the rest is history. I don't blame Mary. How was she to know her fib would get so out hand?

    (Which is likely why Mary continues haunting pieces of toast and freeway underpasses. The poor girl is trying to apologize. Imagine her chagrin when the only people who show up are fundamentalist zombies. Poor thing.)

    I hear it every time I write a rant like this: "Pizzo, leave the Christians alone." To which I reply -- happy too... just as soon as they just leave me, and non-Christians like me, alone.

    They say, "If you don't believe in Jesus, you can go to hell," and continue insisting we all agree to things that affirm their beliefs, no matter how nonsensical those beliefs might be. Fundamentalist Christians say they just want to "return religion to the public square." Fine. Bring it on. But the public square isn't a lecture hall, it's a debating society. Back at ya. You say it's so, I say it ain't so. (And vocal disagreement isn't "oppression." no matter how many times you say it is.)

    Until then the more annoying they get the more I will go out of my way to annoy them. Which is why I let loose on them today. Because once again they are, in our faces, this time about the word "Christmas." If you don't wish everyone a Merry Christmas on your Holiday cards you're a heathen, secular un-American who is "oppressing" Christians again.

    To which I reply, bite me!

    I'm used to having fundamentalist Christians rag on me, but I bet this is a whole new experience for George and Laura. Hopefully an instructive one too. Because there an important there. a lesson those Puritans of old learned too late. They pushed one time too many and the next thing the knew they were shivering around campfires in the American wilderness.

    Unfortunately we are plum out of New World's where we can send our pack of annoying, demanding fundamentlaist dimwits. But hope may be just over the horizon. I read this morning that Virgin Air CEO, Richard Branson, will begin providing space flights for civilians in 2008 from a base in New Mexico. I immediately had a vision of a spaceship filled with born-again Christians singing, "Nearer my Lord to thee," as it blasted off on journey to their new planet.

    Now, that would be a Merry Christmas.


    continued...

  2. #2
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    Re: Christmas for Dummies...

    Hypocrites for Christ

    Many of the most annoying cells of born-again Christians belong to those new "mega churches," run by Elmer Gantry-like slicksters. These organizations have always struck me as being more businesses than churches – wholesale fleecing operations with their own 1-800 numbers where operators await 24/7 and accept all credit cards.

    These mega-churches insist they are churches, and the IRS pretends to believe them. But, more and more, they look like and act like just any other business:


    When Christmas Falls on Sunday, Megachurches Take the Day Off

    Some of the nation's most prominent megachurches have decided not to hold worship services on the Sunday that coincides with Christmas Day, a move that is generating controversy among evangelical Christians at a time when many conservative groups are battling to "put the Christ back in Christmas." (Full Story)



    See. Real Christian churches treat Christmas as the holiest day of the year. Mega churches treat it as a holiday, just like most other businesses. (Except of course for their 1-800 numbers. Christmas day or not, operators are waiting by phones to fleece their flock. It is, after all, the season for giving, and what business wants to miss profit center like that!)




    Oh, almost forgot...

    Happy Holidays



    Stephen Pizzo
    Raconteur at Large
    Blog: http://www.newsforreal.com

  3. #3
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    Dec 2005
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    Re: Christmas for Dummies...

    "To which I reply, bite me!" - from the author of “A Kinder, More Gentle Political Forum...


    “Do NOT post threads worded in such a way that they are designed to just inflame people and not allow a differing opinion.”


    Yep, just another Christian Hypocrite.

  4. #4
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    Re: Christmas for Dummies...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lizard Slayer
    "To which I reply, bite me!" - from the author of “A Kinder, More Gentle Political Forum...


    “Do NOT post threads worded in such a way that they are designed to just inflame people and not allow a differing opinion.”


    Yep, just another Christian Hypocrite.
    Tsk, tsk. The rules you refer to are only for the political forum. They are the ones who called for them.

    And I suppose you did not read who the author was either?

    Seriously you really need to remove that chip off of your should before someone knocks it off for you. I hate to think of all the ulcers you are developing holding such venom and annimosity inside.

    Lady Mod

  5. #5
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    Re: Christmas for Dummies...

    Lady Mod - I really enjoyed your piece - thought provoking with a wicked sense of humour. Although, in Mary's defence, Joe may have been the culprit! Maybe Joe had a moral compass and did the honorable thing for the times. In any case, if it's not the celebration of "Christmas - the birth of christ" - what's the "holiday" for? Happy Holidays" doesn't mean anything. Would people rebel if December 24th was removed from the paid statutory holiday list? Would the soup kitchens survive without the avalanche of donations they receive from the guilty of conscience at this time of year. What would Walmart do with all the crap they sell for Christmas - not order it to start with? Then what would happen to all the children in labor factories in Thailand that make all the toys? Would Visa and Mastercard stage massive layoffs to offset the lost revenue? Who would buy Reba McIntyre's "Holiday" Album of "Songs about Holidays" and what would the songs be about? What would happen to the reindeer? Would they just be released and left to fend for themselves after decades of being fed and cared for? Would they survive on their own in the wild? Would the World Wildlife Federation, PETA and Greenpeace rally to the cause? And the elves - would the screen actors guild rally to create new jobs for the vertically challenged?- no more Christmas movies would take a serious bite out of their job opportunities. What would happen to the charities that hit us up every year to deliver shoe boxes of presents to children all over the world at christmas? Hanukkah boxes? (This is a little off topic but ,in the many years I've made up these shoeboxes for my kids to take to school, I have never understood why they ask for hard candy because it won't melt in transport - but wax crayons are okay). MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
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    327

    Re: Christmas for Dummies...

    There is a school of thought that says Mary was a widow, and widow's also arent allowed to get pregnant, hence the whole god impregnanted me thing, but who knows.

    Obviously you havent explored the whole thing very deeply, Constantine, the Niceaum conference. That the celebration of the midwinter solstice was then as well, before the christ overlay. There is no point me going on, you have to have a desire to find out.
    Christmas so boring.

  7. #7
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    Feb 2005
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    12,866

    Re: Christmas for Dummies...

    Quote Originally Posted by linda49
    Lady Mod - I really enjoyed your piece - thought provoking with a wicked sense of humour. Although, in Mary's defence, Joe may have been the culprit! Maybe Joe had a moral compass and did the honorable thing for the times. In any case, if it's not the celebration of "Christmas - the birth of christ" - what's the "holiday" for? Happy Holidays" doesn't mean anything. Would people rebel if December 24th was removed from the paid statutory holiday list? Would the soup kitchens survive without the avalanche of donations they receive from the guilty of conscience at this time of year. What would Walmart do with all the crap they sell for Christmas - not order it to start with? Then what would happen to all the children in labor factories in Thailand that make all the toys? Would Visa and Mastercard stage massive layoffs to offset the lost revenue? Who would buy Reba McIntyre's "Holiday" Album of "Songs about Holidays" and what would the songs be about? What would happen to the reindeer? Would they just be released and left to fend for themselves after decades of being fed and cared for? Would they survive on their own in the wild? Would the World Wildlife Federation, PETA and Greenpeace rally to the cause? And the elves - would the screen actors guild rally to create new jobs for the vertically challenged?- no more Christmas movies would take a serious bite out of their job opportunities. What would happen to the charities that hit us up every year to deliver shoe boxes of presents to children all over the world at christmas? Hanukkah boxes? (This is a little off topic but ,in the many years I've made up these shoeboxes for my kids to take to school, I have never understood why they ask for hard candy because it won't melt in transport - but wax crayons are okay). MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!
    LOL. I like Christmas. I also like Hannukah, Kwanzaa, and lot's of other celebrations. I am willing to share the season with other beliefs, I don't see a problem with it, especially since I have friends from several other religious belief systems who celebrate at this time of year as well. I believe that the best part of christianity is to LOVE one another. I don't equate loving someone with cramming my religious beliefs down their throat. They know what I believe and they accept me for who I am as I accept them for who they are. If you don't "Walk your Talk" you are just giving lip service, and even Jesus admonished those who did that.

    Isn't it a shame that the only time people in general feel the urge to help others is at the holidays? I wonder if it's because of christmas bonuses? I give all year, I don't get a bonus so maybe that's why I don't feel hampered to only help out once a year. LOL.

    Instead of removing the 24th from the pay list, let's add the 8 days of Hannukah and 7 days of Kwanzaa. Hey, maybe christians would then go back to the 12 days of Christmas. Just think of it, 12 paid days of holiday and it doesn't take away from paid vacation time? Anyone care for 11 Lords a Leaping? They are getting a little annoying hopping around here all the time. I'm thinking of sending them out to the barn to those 8 milking maids. And the neighbors are really starting to complain about that drumband out there. What to do, what to do. All the livestock was bad enough. ROFL

    Namaste'

    Lady Mod

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
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    Re: Christmas for Dummies...

    "Seriously you really need to remove that chip off of your should before someone knocks it off for you. I hate to think of all the ulcers you are developing holding such venom and annimosity inside."

    Yes, you are correct. I should have observed the thread title. My mistake.

    Peace on you

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