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  1. #65
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    Re: Please tell me if this is "right"

    Quote Originally Posted by nickyhoy
    Ok, folks, here's an actual incident/situation from the world of MLM that has me a bit puzzled and hurt. I have a friend working the MLM business (company shall remain nameless). I had not heard from him in some time. I recently contacted this guy's upline on another subject, and was told by him (my friend's upline guy) that he (the upline guy) told my friend not to speak with me anymore or he would refuse to work with my friend. This because I am apparently "negative to the business."

    Now, I honestly did NOT mean to be negative to the business. I do wish my friend the best of luck, and I hope he makes a lot of money. I can't remember exactly what I could have said to have caused this, but I'm sure I simply encouraged him to think for himself and to not have absolute faith in what he was being told by his upline or by the company (advice I would give to ANYONE in ANY company, MLM or not). I might have also suggested that he put a deadline on his dream, which is also pretty good advice in ANY business venture.

    Also, I know this guy's family is also very negative to the business, and he has been encouraged by his upline to avoid THEM as well if they are going to talk negatively about the business (which they most certainly DO). I don't believe his family should be constantly beating on him about the business, which they may well be doing, but really, should you have to avoid your own parents?

    My question to you is, is this right? Should we really encourage people to not associate with family and friends because of the business? Isn't it likely that these people have our best interests at heart even if they do not happen to agree with what we are doing?

    I am really quite sickened that someone would have the balls to suggest to ANYONE that they avoid their own family and friends over a business -- ANY business. If this happened in the "real world", most people would have told their bosses to go eff themselves. Should we accept this sort of thing as a necessary evil of the MLM business? Or is it simply wrong? How should this have been handled?

    Just wanted to hear your thoughts on this one.

    P.S. I wrote my friend and apologized if I had been negative in any way and encouraged him to contact me with the promise that any conversation would have NOTHING to do with his business. It really isn't worth the loss of a friendship.
    First time reading it so I'm sure people have already brought up a lot of good points. But, here's something I learned. And have heard from multiple sources, not just in MLM. But also fromt he CEO of 1800 Dentist, from the Man (Noel Turner) that owns Turner New Zealands (a very high end restaraunt in South Coast Plaza in Orange County, CA) who also owns a Beef and Seafood Distribution company, as well from successful people in MLM, and from others not as wealthy, but who earn 6 figure + incomes/year in their own home based business (not MLM). They avoid the people who are negative in their lives. They limit their association with these people simply because they do not with to adopt their philosophy, And if you hang around with anyone long enough you will adopt their philosophy.

    Harvard did a study, and I will have to search for it and find it, (and it even may have bene Yale, cant remember) but it was found that if you took 10 friends, they would all be within the same basic income range. That means you earn as much as your friends do. So if you want to move up in life, the best thing to do would be to find people who are wealthy, and learn from them how they did it. This is stuff also said by people like Jim Rohn, Les Brown, Stephen Covey, Brian Tracy, Zig Zigglar. Hang out with the people you want to be like. So if your parents are broke and negative, don't spend a lot of time with them. I'm not saying completely ignore them, I'm just saying spend a lot less time around them.

    It's pretty simple really, actually its more like common sense, some people will advertise differently. But look at trends in society, look at groups of friends, look at your group of friends, how much money you make and how much money they make, It will become pretty obvious.

    And yes, people do get negative no matter what business you are getting into. Like my g/f, all of her friends look down on her because of her decision to not go to college and pursue business. Her parents as well, especially her parents. So she decided that she would rather not put up with all the negative feelings associated with that, and walk away from those friends.

    What would you do? If you made a life decision and everyone around you was putting down that decision? Would you conform, and decide to do what your friends are doing just because they don't agree? Or would you say hey, I'm gonna do it anyway, and screw them if they dont' want to believe in me...Tough choice on both sides of the argument.

    I did that, I left all my negative friends that didn't believe in me behind, decided only to associate myself with positive and successful, or even just positive ambitious people, and now at 24 years of age I have broken the 6 figure income mark. How many 24 year olds do you know that make over 100,000$/year? I only know 1 other. I didn't graduate college. I work from home, in fact, I haven't been inside an office in over 3 months. I'm sitting here typing this on a wedsnay morning from the comfort of my home office. I only work 25 maybe 30 hours on a busy week.

    So is it wrong to avoid the people that won't support you, if they were real friends and family they would support you no matter what business and lifestyle decisions you make, (as long as they are positive life style decisions, i.e. your lifesyle decision is to become a prostitute or to become a junkie) then they should dissociate from you...

  2. #66
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    Aug 2005
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    69

    Re: Please tell me if this is "right"

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    First time reading it so I'm sure people have already brought up a lot of good points. But, here's something I learned. And have heard from multiple sources, not just in MLM. But also fromt he CEO of 1800 Dentist, from the Man (Noel Turner) that owns Turner New Zealands (a very high end restaraunt in South Coast Plaza in Orange County, CA) who also owns a Beef and Seafood Distribution company, as well from successful people in MLM, and from others not as wealthy, but who earn 6 figure + incomes/year in their own home based business (not MLM). They avoid the people who are negative in their lives. They limit their association with these people simply because they do not with to adopt their philosophy, And if you hang around with anyone long enough you will adopt their philosophy.
    I would NEVER disagree with avoiding negative people; in fact, I myself try to surround myself with upbeat, positive friends. But also note that a heroin addict is likly to avoid his parents because they are negative to his heroin use. I know that's an off-the-walk analogy, but know what I mean?

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    Harvard did a study, and I will have to search for it and find it, (and it even may have bene Yale, cant remember) but it was found that if you took 10 friends, they would all be within the same basic income range. That means you earn as much as your friends do. So if you want to move up in life, the best thing to do would be to find people who are wealthy, and learn from them how they did it. This is stuff also said by people like Jim Rohn, Les Brown, Stephen Covey, Brian Tracy, Zig Zigglar. Hang out with the people you want to be like. So if your parents are broke and negative, don't spend a lot of time with them. I'm not saying completely ignore them, I'm just saying spend a lot less time around them.
    Sure, they'll probably be dead soon anyway. 1) sorry, but I am going to have a very difficult time listening to advice like that. My parents were middle-class; I loved them very much; they are no longer with us; they were two of the best people I know. To advise someone to stay away from family who love them because of business -- any business -- is unwise. 2) Though Ziglar says some good stuff, he says some dumb stuff, too.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    It's pretty simple really, actually its more like common sense, some people will advertise differently. But look at trends in society, look at groups of friends, look at your group of friends, how much money you make and how much money they make, It will become pretty obvious.
    The day you start basing your friendships on money is the day you would lose me as a friend. I have a friend who makes $970,000 per year. I have a friend who makes $105,000 per year. I have a friend who makes $15,000 per year. They are all my dear friends, and I love them all.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    And yes, people do get negative no matter what business you are getting into. Like my g/f, all of her friends look down on her because of her decision to not go to college and pursue business. Her parents as well, especially her parents. So she decided that she would rather not put up with all the negative feelings associated with that, and walk away from those friends.
    They were simply not very good friends, then were they? And the first lesson of parenting should be to accept your children for who and what they are, no matter what. That's not always EASY, but it's what you need to do. I think my son knows I would love him if he was digging ditches for a living.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    What would you do? If you made a life decision and everyone around you was putting down that decision? Would you conform, and decide to do what your friends are doing just because they don't agree? Or would you say hey, I'm gonna do it anyway, and screw them if they dont' want to believe in me...Tough choice on both sides of the argument.
    I would hope you would do what your heart tells you in all case. But riddle me this: what would YOU do if you DID follow your heart, and then learned down the road that what you were doing was wrong/stupid/incorrect? How would you then look at those now ex-friends who tried to steer you in the right direction? Just food for thought.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    I did that, I left all my negative friends that didn't believe in me behind, decided only to associate myself with positive and successful, or even just positive ambitious people, and now at 24 years of age I have broken the 6 figure income mark. How many 24 year olds do you know that make over 100,000$/year? I only know 1 other. I didn't graduate college. I work from home, in fact, I haven't been inside an office in over 3 months. I'm sitting here typing this on a wedsnay morning from the comfort of my home office. I only work 25 maybe 30 hours on a busy week.
    As long as you are happy and can sleep at night with a clear conscience, good for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    So is it wrong to avoid the people that won't support you, if they were real friends and family they would support you no matter what business and lifestyle decisions you make, (as long as they are positive life style decisions, i.e. your lifesyle decision is to become a prostitute or to become a junkie) then they should dissociate from you...
    Ah, but again, is there a difference between "supporting" someone and "agreeing" with someone? In the case of my particular example, I have solid knowledge that the person in question has been lied to. Am I then being "negative" by informing him of this and recommending he move elsewhere? Or am I simply putting this person's best interests first and giving him good, solid advice? But I do agree that if he does not wish to ACCEPT that advice, it would be wrong to continue to ride that point and be a negative pain-in-the-ass. So in my particular situation, I do believe it was wrong of his upline to suggest that I be cut out of his life. Because I simply told him my opinion of his current situation and company, suggested an alternative, and moved on myself. Oh, and his upline was the one who actually did the lying, by the way. So I have a clear conscience on this one.

  3. #67
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    May 2005
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    871

    Re: Please tell me if this is "right"

    Quote Originally Posted by nickyhoy
    I would NEVER disagree with avoiding negative people; in fact, I myself try to surround myself with upbeat, positive friends. But also note that a heroin addict is likly to avoid his parents because they are negative to his heroin use. I know that's an off-the-walk analogy, but know what I mean?


    Sure, they'll probably be dead soon anyway. 1) sorry, but I am going to have a very difficult time listening to advice like that. My parents were middle-class; I loved them very much; they are no longer with us; they were two of the best people I know. To advise someone to stay away from family who love them because of business -- any business -- is unwise. 2) Though Ziglar says some good stuff, he says some dumb stuff, too.


    The day you start basing your friendships on money is the day you would lose me as a friend. I have a friend who makes $970,000 per year. I have a friend who makes $105,000 per year. I have a friend who makes $15,000 per year. They are all my dear friends, and I love them all.


    They were simply not very good friends, then were they? And the first lesson of parenting should be to accept your children for who and what they are, no matter what. That's not always EASY, but it's what you need to do. I think my son knows I would love him if he was digging ditches for a living.


    I would hope you would do what your heart tells you in all case. But riddle me this: what would YOU do if you DID follow your heart, and then learned down the road that what you were doing was wrong/stupid/incorrect? How would you then look at those now ex-friends who tried to steer you in the right direction? Just food for thought.


    As long as you are happy and can sleep at night with a clear conscience, good for you.


    Ah, but again, is there a difference between "supporting" someone and "agreeing" with someone? In the case of my particular example, I have solid knowledge that the person in question has been lied to. Am I then being "negative" by informing him of this and recommending he move elsewhere? Or am I simply putting this person's best interests first and giving him good, solid advice? But I do agree that if he does not wish to ACCEPT that advice, it would be wrong to continue to ride that point and be a negative pain-in-the-ass. So in my particular situation, I do believe it was wrong of his upline to suggest that I be cut out of his life. Because I simply told him my opinion of his current situation and company, suggested an alternative, and moved on myself. Oh, and his upline was the one who actually did the lying, by the way. So I have a clear conscience on this one.
    Why you would not limit your association with emotionally abusive parents? I would all day long, personally my parents are very supportive of me. They support most decisions I make. Parents are there to guide us and give us some perspective on things, and to kick our arse when were younger, so we can be responsible adults.

    Your friend who makes 970k a year, how often do you hang out with him :) how often do you hang out with your friend that makes 15k a year. I'm talking about our 10 closest friends. We all have friends that are in the lower and upper echelons of society, but I'm talking about the people we associate with on a daily basis...

    They were not good friends, but that's the way the majority of people are. Period, they are negative to your success. Because it takes all their excuses away for not being successful themselves. You cant argue with that.

    Let's say what you were doing was wrong, then what does it matter what you look like to those friends. You tried something it didn't work, you were wrong. Why would you go back and say, man I wonder what my friends think of me now, if they were good friends, they would have supported you when they saw your conviction. Get off your arse and try something else, because your friends aren't going to give you their money. And how do we know they had the right direction. What did they tell you to do, go to school, not for everyone, I don't survive in college or jobs. I can't keep a job longer than 6 months. That's just me.

    I am happy, i can sleep at night, especially without people trying to drap me back down to their income level. In fact, all my friends that I stopped associating with are all still in the same place.

    I would never advise someone to stop associating with his friends, I would advise them to look who is negative in their life and see what they could achieve if they weren't consistently bombarded by that. And have them make their own decision. Give them both sides of the issue, Not here to run people's lives but to help them make educated decisions. So was he wrong to do that, yes.

  4. #68
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    Re: Please tell me if this is "right"

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    Why you would not limit your association with emotionally abusive parents? I would all day long, personally my parents are very supportive of me. They support most decisions I make. Parents are there to guide us and give us some perspective on things, and to kick our arse when were younger, so we can be responsible adults.
    But you never SAID emotionally abusive parents. You said "broke and negative". BIG difference.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    Your friend who makes 970k a year, how often do you hang out with him :) how often do you hang out with your friend that makes 15k a year. I'm talking about our 10 closest friends. We all have friends that are in the lower and upper echelons of society, but I'm talking about the people we associate with on a daily basis...
    I hang out with Mike (970k) infrequently. He is a bank VP, and has very little time to hangout with anyone. If I wanted to get up and go to the gym at 5:30 in the morning, I'd see him every day. Mark at $105k I speak with every single day. Deb at $15k, also virtually every day. These ARE my closest friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    They were not good friends, but that's the way the majority of people are. Period, they are negative to your success. Because it takes all their excuses away for not being successful themselves. You cant argue with that.
    They you and I are not hanging out with the majority of people. My true friends have none of those qualities.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    Let's say what you were doing was wrong, then what does it matter what you look like to those friends.
    The mirror is the most important one to check.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    You tried something it didn't work, you were wrong. Why would you go back and say, man I wonder what my friends think of me now, if they were good friends, they would have supported you when they saw your conviction.
    Although I KNOW I would have been hurt by the initial lack of support, I would think (thunk?) that maybe my friends DID have my best interests in mind, and didn't want to see me fail and suffer.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    And how do we know they had the right direction. What did they tell you to do, go to school, not for everyone, I don't survive in college or jobs.
    That's the rub: we DON'T know when it's happening. That's what makes this a difficult proposition.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    I am happy, i can sleep at night, especially without people trying to drap me back down to their income level. In fact, all my friends that I stopped associating with are all still in the same place.
    Good! Long as you know you are doing something moral, right, just, whatever you want to call it, go get 'em.

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    I would never advise someone to stop associating with his friends, I would advise them to look who is negative in their life and see what they could achieve if they weren't consistently bombarded by that. And have them make their own decision. Give them both sides of the issue, Not here to run people's lives but to help them make educated decisions. So was he wrong to do that, yes.
    Makes sense to me!

  5. #69
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    Re: Please tell me if this is "right"

    Quote Originally Posted by nickyhoy
    But you never SAID emotionally abusive parents. You said "broke and negative". BIG difference.


    I hang out with Mike (970k) infrequently. He is a bank VP, and has very little time to hangout with anyone. If I wanted to get up and go to the gym at 5:30 in the morning, I'd see him every day. Mark at $105k I speak with every single day. Deb at $15k, also virtually every day. These ARE my closest friends.


    They you and I are not hanging out with the majority of people. My true friends have none of those qualities.


    The mirror is the most important one to check.


    Although I KNOW I would have been hurt by the initial lack of support, I would think (thunk?) that maybe my friends DID have my best interests in mind, and didn't want to see me fail and suffer.


    That's the rub: we DON'T know when it's happening. That's what makes this a difficult proposition.


    Good! Long as you know you are doing something moral, right, just, whatever you want to call it, go get 'em.


    Makes sense to me!
    You dont' consider what negative people do is not emotional abuse?

  6. #70
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    Re: Please tell me if this is "right"

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    You dont' consider what negative people do is not emotional abuse?
    That would depend on the exact nature and extent of it. Every situation is different.

  7. #71
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    Re: Please tell me if this is "right"

    Quote Originally Posted by nickyhoy
    That would depend on the exact nature and extent of it. Every situation is different.
    nah if someone is beating on you becaues of your decisions to become successful it's abuse

  8. #72
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    Re: Please tell me if this is "right"

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    nah if someone is beating on you becaues of your decisions to become successful it's abuse
    Yes, if they are "beating on you." No if they are making constructive suggestions and then letting it go.

  9. #73
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    Re: Please tell me if this is "right"

    constructive suggestions aren't negative, they are positive suggestions to help you become better

  10. #74
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    Re: Please tell me if this is "right"

    Quote Originally Posted by cscirpoli
    constructive suggestions aren't negative, they are positive suggestions to help you become better
    That's the intent, yes, but when it comes to MLM, constructive suggestion can often be taken as negative. Emotions tend to run higher in MLM than in real-world business for some reason.

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