n a shocking new development at the Vatican today, the late pope John Paul II rose from his coffin, yawned and announced that he was fit and ready to once again take over the reins of power as God's representative on Earth.

Vatican lawyers are frantically digging through the countless archives in Vatican City in an attempt to find the answer to what is surely going to be an immensely important question. Which pope has precedence, John Paul II or that German bloke?

Crowds are already flocking to St Peter's square in the hope of seeing the miraculously resurrected pensioner known for his gentleness and his inability to get up when he knelt to kiss the ground of countries that he was visiting. He was famous for wondering why most countries smelt of tarmac but that's another story. smile.gif

Religious leaders from around the world are beside themselves with envy and there has been a spate of suicides amongst the clergy as they attempt to repeat John Paul's feat.

Mother Earth News asked DrMerkwurdigliebe, a respected clinical researcher and co-author of the massive best seller "Death: The first 6 months" co-written by his milkman, Pierre Berton, how it was possible for a dead person to return.

The doctor replied "It was not thought possible to know what happened after death until Pierre and I revealed the secrets of the afterlife in our new book so it should not come as a surprise to you that once we knew what lay beyond death, coming back was only going to be a matter of time (and a return ticket). It seems that exemplary goodness and holiness is all that is required to achieve this reincarnation"

The number of cremations is expected to drop dramatically as horrified widows and widowers contemplate the possibility of an eventual return.

On a side note, the Bush/Prescott family commented that they may as well continue with their plans to cremate the recently deceased George Bush Snr as he hasn't a hope in hell of coming back.