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  1. #1
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    How To Irritate an Athiest

    http://myweb.cableone.net/silentdave...an_atheist.htm

    These were some of my favourites. Some are funny, some I've heard so often it makes me want to cry, actually I think we've heard almost all of them just here at scam.com. I bet tony_jenn could cross at least 95% of these off his list.

    2) Tell them that if there's no God, they might as well go out and kill people.

    8) Make up statistics.

    9) End a discussion with "Well, I know you're smarter than I am, but I know I'm right."

    12) Use multiple versions of Pascal's Wager as though you thought them up yourself.

    13) Use the Second Law of Thermodynamics to disprove evolution.

    16) Cite Kent Hovind as a legitimate source of information.

    17) ...and call him "Dr. Hovind."

    19) Point out that we all take things on faith.

    23) Use bad math to back up your claims.

    29) When given a Bible verse that looks bad, tell him that's what the verse says, but that's not what it means.

    33) Overwhelm him with your knowledge of science, using examples: "And because of entropy you have to press the nozzle on the spray can. The nozzle is entropy."

    35) Maintain that the King James Version is THE Bible; ignore questions as to who was saved prior to 1611.

    45) Insist that the Bible is meant to be taken literally -- all except that verse he just showed you.

    51) If a plane crashes killing 300 passengers and crew, but one little girl survives with only third-degree burns, tell him that this miracle proves the existence of God.

    59) No matter what he quotes from the Bible, say that it's out of context.

    60) ...and when he points out that the quotes are in correct context, tell him you need to be a Christian to understand the true meaning of the Bible.

    61) Tell him you must study the Bible for many years to reject Christianity.

    62) ...and when he points out that you reject Islam despite never having studied the Qu'ran, say that you have faith, and faith is all you need.

    66) Change your handle every couple weeks.

    74) Attribute every apparent error in the Bible to mistranslation.

    75) ...and then pull up a mistranslation from Isaiah to prove that Jesus fulfilled prophecy.

    89) Equivocate scientific faith with religious faith, and conclude that, metaphysically, you are both in the same boat.

    95) Use only circular reasoning.

    96) Claim that the atheist only uses circular reasoning.

    97) Claim that circular reasoning is legitimate due to circular reasoning being legitimate.

    103) End all your posts with John 3:16.

    111) Patiently explain that the 42 children that were torn to bits by two bears sent by God were not really children, but spawn of Satan.

    113) Carefully explain that Lot's daughters were never in danger of gang rape, and that Lot knew this all along.

    114) Most carefully of all, explain that while all of the Bible is inerrant, Revelation does not literally mean what it says.

    115) Tell him that God answers all prayers -- sometimes the answer is no.

    121) Claim that Darwin recanted evolution on his deathbed.

    135) When something awful happens, tell him not to blame God -- he doesn't interfere.

    136) When something wonderful happens, tell him to credit God -- he made it happen.

    147) Tell him that the Bible is true because the Bible says it is.

    152) After your argument has been effectively refuted, wait a few days and then repeapt the argument, adding, "You still haven't addressed this."

    171) When he points out an apparent inconsistency of God's attributes, just say that God is infinite. The atheist, with his finite, human brain cannot begin to understand God.

    200) Create a term for a blatant paradox in your religion, then call other religions false because they don't have it.

    282) Refuse to give him your wallet after he quotes Matthew 5:42 to you.

    283) Insist you believe in the literal truth of the entire Bible, except for Matthew 5:42.

    284) Take advantage of a horrible national tragedy, caused in large part by religious fanaticism, by pushing your own religious fanaticism as the only thing that will save us all.

    285) ...and announce that the tragedy only happened because of those who ignore your religious fanaticism.

  2. #2
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Tell them the earth less than 10,000 years old and carbon dating doesn't work.

    Tell them that dinosaurs walked with man.

    When they tell you Adam and Eve's children could not have given birth between them becasue the X and Y cromosomes wouldn't allow it, tell them that story is not to be taken litterely.

    If you do feel yourself getting backed into a corner, get VERY angry and say something like " you are disrespecting my beliefs" That will usually get them off your back
    THIS USERS ACCOUNT IS NOW CLOSED

  3. #3
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    This is the funniest thread I've seen in a long time :D :D :D

    And it's even funnier that these are actual comebacks I've heard!!!!
    "Science is evidence without proof. Creationism is proof without evidence."

  4. #4
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Quote Originally Posted by Leeguana
    This is the funniest thread I've seen in a long time :D :D :D

    And it's even funnier that these are actual comebacks I've heard!!!!
    You know what's not gonna be so funny? Payback. Good luck, y'all because it's going to be a b.itch. Or might I say, it's going to be Hell...
    Click both daily for an easy & FREE way to help care for the needy:
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  5. #5
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Quote Originally Posted by HotParadox
    You know what's not gonna be so funny? Payback. Good luck, y'all because it's going to be a b.itch. Or might I say, it's going to be Hell...
    I take it you mean hell literally? :)

    I try to be a decent person, not due to religion, but for other reasons. Guess I'll just have to take my chances on the endgame. But I'm banking on being wormfood at that point. Nothing more, nothing less. ;)
    And c'mon HP, you didn't find ANY of these quotes funny? Nary a one? I'm not buyin' it :D ! ! !
    "Science is evidence without proof. Creationism is proof without evidence."

  6. #6
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Quote Originally Posted by HotParadox
    You know what's not gonna be so funny? Payback. Good luck, y'all because it's going to be a b.itch. Or might I say, it's going to be Hell...
    Lol. I hope you know I didn't mean any offense HP. Its a poke at the fanatics like Tony & Co, not at the rest of you :)

  7. #7
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Quote Originally Posted by HotParadox
    You know what's not gonna be so funny? Payback. Good luck, y'all because it's going to be a b.itch. Or might I say, it's going to be Hell...
    Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life. ~Albert Einstein

  8. #8
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    C'mon HP - I read a couple of those and the first thing that popped into my head was tony and his wife jenn.

  9. #9
    pawnstar Guest

    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    I have noticed that the people who have never read the bible are the first to say it is a fable,or it is a fairy tale or something like that.

    So, if they believe they are just worm bait,why don't they at least read it for the entertainment purpose?
    what are they afraid of?
    should we call them biblephobes?
    are they just stupid?
    are they so weak minded that they think God is a fake?
    or could it be that they are afraid of the truth?

  10. #10
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Quote Originally Posted by pawnstar
    I have noticed that the people who have never read the bible are the first to say it is a fable,or it is a fairy tale or something like that.

    So, if they believe they are just worm bait,why don't they at least read it for the entertainment purpose?
    what are they afraid of?
    should we call them biblephobes?
    are they just stupid?
    are they so weak minded that they think God is a fake?
    or could it be that they are afraid of the truth?
    You Pawn, making these statements, is almost as funny as the original post in this thread. :)
    "Science is evidence without proof. Creationism is proof without evidence."

  11. #11
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Quote Originally Posted by Leeguana
    I take it you mean hell literally? :)

    I try to be a decent person, not due to religion, but for other reasons. Guess I'll just have to take my chances on the endgame. But I'm banking on being wormfood at that point. Nothing more, nothing less. ;)
    And c'mon HP, you didn't find ANY of these quotes funny? Nary a one? I'm not buyin' it :D ! ! !
    I laughed my ass off! :)
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  12. #12
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Quote Originally Posted by kazza
    Lol. I hope you know I didn't mean any offense HP. Its a poke at the fanatics like Tony & Co, not at the rest of you :)
    Oh, I know that K. You've always been and always will be one of my fav members. :)
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  13. #13
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Quote Originally Posted by lisan23
    C'mon HP - I read a couple of those and the first thing that popped into my head was tony and his wife jenn.
    I didn't think they were referring to me at all, lis. I know who they're talking about.

    Truth be know I like Lee v much and I've loved K forever. Sometimes I worry about their salvation and would feel guilty if I didn't remind them of that once in a while. :)
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  14. #14
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Quote Originally Posted by Turnbull Ac
    Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life. ~Albert Einstein
    That's nice, Turn. :)

    Einstein had a soft spot for humanity, I think.
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  15. #15
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Wow, I'm seriously considering putting pawnstar on ignore, except he is entertaining.

    Do you know how many people have read the bible and think it's a fable? Isn't presumptuous on your part to assume that just because someone doesn't believe the bible means they must not have read it? My uncle, someone I admire and I think is very intelligent, has read numerous religious books including the bible. He believes it has it's worth, however he doesn't believe the majority of what is in it actually took place. (There is, of course, historical evidence to support some things in the bible.)

  16. #16
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    Re: How To Irritate an Athiest

    Quote Originally Posted by HotParadox
    I laughed my ass off! :)
    Whew! Thank God(?)! You had me going for a minute there! :D
    "Science is evidence without proof. Creationism is proof without evidence."

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