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Thread: I AM God

  1. #1
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    Dec 2006
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    2,753

    I AM God

    Okay, time to stop messing with ya.

    And to reveal my true identity.

    For the past two months, you have all be subjected to tests!

    And now I should tell you that God really does exist, and that he is writing to you now.

    Now, you will say, "Why the heck would God join a forum, and use the internet as a means of communicating?"

    Easy.

    Because, via the net, I can reach more people, and diffuse my message, more quickly.

    I did, after all, create you, and I knew that you were going to create the internet one day!

    I'm not stupid! :D

    Anyway, here's the deal.

    For the next two days only, I will be listening and answering all prayers.

    Wish for anything you like, and I mean ANYTHING, and I will see what I can do, but the one thing I will not do is judge you for wishing it.

    Even if that wish might seem 'terrible' to others, I will grant it anyway, but since it is YOUR wish, you have to live with the cause and effect.

    And, being even more generous, you don't even need to be a theist to have your wish granted, I am accepting requests from people, regardless of their religion, or otherwise.

    Just ask.

    But remember, be careful what you wish for.....

    ;)
    "Ethics" is simply a last-gasp attempt by deist conservatives and
    orthodox dogmatics to keep humanity in ignorance and obscurantism,
    through the well tried fermentation of fear, the fear of science and
    new technologies.
    There is nothing glorious about what our ancestors call history,
    it is simply a succession of mistakes, intolerances and violations.

  2. #2
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    Re: I AM God

    I wish you would take this to the religious thread.
    The terminally stupid and certifiably insane.

  3. #3
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    Re: I AM God

    Quote Originally Posted by bogie
    I wish you would take this to the religious thread.
    Are you sure, more than ANYTHING, my son, that this is what you want..?
    "Ethics" is simply a last-gasp attempt by deist conservatives and
    orthodox dogmatics to keep humanity in ignorance and obscurantism,
    through the well tried fermentation of fear, the fear of science and
    new technologies.
    There is nothing glorious about what our ancestors call history,
    it is simply a succession of mistakes, intolerances and violations.

  4. #4
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    Mar 2005
    Posts
    3,578

    Re: I AM God

    Can you ask Grampa where he hid the key for the gun cabinet? There's a Colt Single Action Army Peacemaker made in 1875 in there and I would love to get my hands on it.

  5. #5
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    USA
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    Re: I AM God

    My wish is to have all the power that you possess.
    "Science is evidence without proof. Creationism is proof without evidence."

  6. #6
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    Re: I AM God

    A multi-million dollar winning lottery ticket in February of 2007 :rolleyes:

  7. #7
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    Re: I AM God

    Since your listening...I have a question, oh most supreme being...could you create a rock that you yourself could not lift?

  8. #8
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    Re: I AM God

    Quote Originally Posted by PaulM
    A multi-million dollar winning lottery ticket in February of 2007 :rolleyes:
    Be specific about the date and the amount.

    I don't do vague.....

    :)
    "Ethics" is simply a last-gasp attempt by deist conservatives and
    orthodox dogmatics to keep humanity in ignorance and obscurantism,
    through the well tried fermentation of fear, the fear of science and
    new technologies.
    There is nothing glorious about what our ancestors call history,
    it is simply a succession of mistakes, intolerances and violations.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,753

    Re: I AM God

    Quote Originally Posted by jigglepete
    Since your listening...I have a question, oh most supreme being...could you create a rock that you yourself could not lift?
    Of course.

    If you were a builder, could you build a house that you yourself could not lift?
    "Ethics" is simply a last-gasp attempt by deist conservatives and
    orthodox dogmatics to keep humanity in ignorance and obscurantism,
    through the well tried fermentation of fear, the fear of science and
    new technologies.
    There is nothing glorious about what our ancestors call history,
    it is simply a succession of mistakes, intolerances and violations.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    6,549

    Re: I AM God

    Quote Originally Posted by enlightenment
    Be specific about the date and the amount.

    I don't do vague.....

    :)
    sure...
    2/17/07

    10.0 mil

  11. #11
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    Re: I AM God

    Quote Originally Posted by Leeguana
    My wish is to have all the power that you possess.

    Request granted.

    But...

    Are you sure you really want this?

    It is a massive burden, and you may not be aware of the commitment, and thankless tasks involved...?

    :)
    "Ethics" is simply a last-gasp attempt by deist conservatives and
    orthodox dogmatics to keep humanity in ignorance and obscurantism,
    through the well tried fermentation of fear, the fear of science and
    new technologies.
    There is nothing glorious about what our ancestors call history,
    it is simply a succession of mistakes, intolerances and violations.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,753

    Re: I AM God

    Quote Originally Posted by PaulM
    sure...
    2/17/07

    10.0 mil
    Nine days time, ten million, in what currency?

    Where would you like it deposited?
    "Ethics" is simply a last-gasp attempt by deist conservatives and
    orthodox dogmatics to keep humanity in ignorance and obscurantism,
    through the well tried fermentation of fear, the fear of science and
    new technologies.
    There is nothing glorious about what our ancestors call history,
    it is simply a succession of mistakes, intolerances and violations.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Posts
    2,753

    Re: I AM God

    Quote Originally Posted by UserName
    Can you ask Grampa where he hid the key for the gun cabinet? There's a Colt Single Action Army Peacemaker made in 1875 in there and I would love to get my hands on it.
    Your Grampa appears to be dead.

    I cannot ask him.

    Try a crowbar....
    "Ethics" is simply a last-gasp attempt by deist conservatives and
    orthodox dogmatics to keep humanity in ignorance and obscurantism,
    through the well tried fermentation of fear, the fear of science and
    new technologies.
    There is nothing glorious about what our ancestors call history,
    it is simply a succession of mistakes, intolerances and violations.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    6,549

    Re: I AM God

    Quote Originally Posted by enlightenment
    Nine days time, ten million, in what currency?

    Where would you like it deposited?
    U.S. Dollars

    make the check payable to Blair's Equine Rescue, Inc.

  15. #15
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    Oct 2006
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    Re: I AM God

    Guy walks into a bar. Down on his luck. Asks the bartender, "Hey man. Tough times. How bout' spottin' me a few drinks?"

    Bartender says, "Get the hell outta here you rotten bum."

    Guy says, "Wait man, look at this." Pulls a little man about just undar a foot tall out of his coat pocket and stands him on the bar. The little guy is dressed in top hat, coat and tails.

    Bartender asks, "So what's he do? Sing? Dance?"

    "Oh no," the guy replies and reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny grand piano and a little bench. The little man fluffs back his tails, sits on the bench and just starts puounding out piano tunes.

    Bartender grins and says, "Man that's the neatest thing I've ever seen. What'll ya have, drinks are on the house.

    Couple hours go by and both the bartender and the guy are getting pretty drunk. Bartender asks, "So where'd ya get this little guy?"

    "I was just walking along the beach," says the guy, "and saw this pretty shell in the sand." He pulls a shell out of his pocket. "Picked it up and rubbed it between my thumb and finger and all of a sudden this genie appeared. Said he would grant me any wish I wanted."

    Bartender looks puzzled, "And that's how you got the little guy? Think it'll work for me?"

    "I don't know but you're welcome to give it a try." and he hands the shell to the bartender.

    "But wait", he stops the bartender, "be very careful about how you pronounce your wish. Use great effort to enunciate each world very very clearly."

    The bartender is really puzzled now, and asks, "Whata ya mean?"

    The guy replies, "Do you think if I only had one wish I'd ask for a ten inch PIANIST?" :D :D :D
    The terminally stupid and certifiably insane.

  16. #16
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    4,548

    Re: I AM God

    Quote Originally Posted by enlightenment
    Are you sure, more than ANYTHING, my son, that this is what you want..?
    OK. I want all the wishes I ever wish to be granted. :cool:
    The terminally stupid and certifiably insane.

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