Am I crazy, or did this only start happening like, maybe a maximum of five or six years ago?

I have a pretty good memory, and I swear to God that when I was a kid, I never heard even a single story about the kind of genuine, full-blown RIOTS that are taking place at shopping malls and department stores nowadays. Cops standing on old ladies' necks? People stabbing each other over a pair of shoes? People trampled underfoot during retail stampedes? And it's getting worse and worse every year! It's almost like people are behaving in the awful, savage ways that they subliminally suspect that they're EXPECTED to behave... if that even makes any sense at all.

Remember the great 1978 horror movie Dawn of the Dead? The one where all the zombies walk around the shopping mall because they don't have anything better to do?

We're there now. And it's a terrible thing.