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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    84

    I couldnt Breathe!

    My boyfriend and I were reading these the oter day and I LITERALLY could NOT breathe I was laughing so freaking hard! :p

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American
    Courts, and are things people actually said in court,
    word for word, taken down and now published by court
    reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
    these exchanges were actually taking place.


    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ______________________________

    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

    WITNESS: July 18th.

    ATTORNEY: What year?

    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
    impact?

    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
    memory at all?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

    WITNESS: I forget.

    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
    something you forgot?
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?

    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
    which.

    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?

    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    _____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
    to you that upset you that morning?

    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

    WITNESS: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
    involved in voodoo?

    WITNESS: We both do.

    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

    WITNESS: We do.

    ATTORNEY: You do?

    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor,isn't it true that when a person
    dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it
    until the next morning?

    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ___________________________________

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty one-year-old, how
    old is he?

    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
    ________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
    August 8th?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

    WITNESS: Uh....
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

    WITNESS: Yes.

    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

    WITNESS: None.

    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

    WITNESS: By death.

    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
    to a deposition notice which I sent to your
    attorney?

    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
    performed on dead people?

    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
    school did you go to?

    WITNESS: Oral.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
    body?

    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
    I was doing an autopsy on him!
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

    WITNESS: Huh?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did
    you check for a pulse?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
    alive when you began the autopsy?

    WITNESS: No.

    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
    jar.

    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
    nevertheless?

    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
    alive and practicing law.


    *********************************************

    :p :D

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    43

    Re: I couldnt Breathe!

    Not bad....Working for the AG's Office makes it just a bit funnier!

    T
    "What we have here is a failure to communicate"

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