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Thread: A funny joke

  1. #1

    A funny joke

    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the w-a-t-e-r glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

    1.) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

    2.) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

    3.) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

    4.) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

    5.) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

    6.) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

    7.) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

    8.) David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

    9.) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

    10.) We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".

    11.) When Jesus broke bread at the last supper he said, "take this and eat it for it is my body". He did not say "Eat me".

    12.) The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry".

    13.) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.

    14.) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
    "The mind bends and twists in order to deal with the horrors of life...
    ...sometimes the mind bends so much it snaps in two".

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    112

    Re: A funny joke

    "...... the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize....something is ed up, something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice-Capades."
    -George Carlin



    "Science adjusts it's views based on what's observed.
    Faith is the denial of observation so that belief can be preserved."

    -Tim Minchin



    I don't have the evidence to prove that God doesn't exist, but I so strongly suspect that he doesn't that I don't want to waste my time.

    -Isaac Asimov





  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Posts
    6,872

    Re: A funny joke

    That's a real funny joke. I gave it to my wife and she cracked up laughing.
    Last edited by Cnance; 09-29-2010 at 12:07 PM.

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