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  1. #65
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    Jun 2005
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    Re: Teenage girls are 'out of control'

    [QUOTE=linda49]
    She had asked to take a friend "to the lake" - we go nearly every weekend in the summer. I expected her to invite a friend who's parents knew us and would, therefore, allow a three day trip including "sleepover". Her invite was a new friend - only child - mom's a teacher. I was certain the answer would be a resounding "no, but thanks for the offer". Yea, right.... not only did they say yes - her mother assured me she was "a hardy little camper". When we arrived to pick her up on Friday - her parents had already "gone out" for the evening. True to their word - this little girl was no problem at all. Polite and kind - She ate what was served (and she did eat). She helped with cleaning up. She was easy to please, talkative, participated and enjoyed whatever we were doing...no complaining - no problem at all. She was a joy to have.
    Damn... maybe you should call that little girl's parents and see if they want to swap kids!!!

    Just kidding.. :D LOL

  2. #66
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    Re: Teenage girls are 'out of control'

    C.V. - The problem seems to be gossip and jealousy. Who was or wasn't invited to a birthday party or outing. Who said what about whom. Normal for their age perhaps but it's completely out of hand - every minute of every day someone is on the receiving end. It's the magnitude that really concerns me - Lord of the Flies. My daughter is not always the victim and she's been quilty, too. This behavior is not condoned in our family. Maybe it's just me.

  3. #67
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    Re: Teenage girls are 'out of control'

    Quote Originally Posted by linda49
    C.V. - The problem seems to be gossip and jealousy. Who was or wasn't invited to a birthday party or outing. Who said what about whom. Normal for their age perhaps but it's completely out of hand - every minute of every day someone is on the receiving end. It's the magnitude that really concerns me - Lord of the Flies. My daughter is not always the victim and she's been quilty, too. This behavior is not condoned in our family. Maybe it's just me.
    My girls are guilty of the same thing Linda. I tell them their gossip is going to catch up to them and bite them in the butt. Eventually it does and I make sure to use the opportunity to remind them that they were warned. But I find it isn't until it actually happens that the lessons or warnings actually sink in.

    If only we could open their heads and pour wisdom in. Wouldn't life be peaceful then? ;)

    Namaste'

    Lady Mod

  4. #68
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    Jun 2005
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    Re: Teenage girls are 'out of control'

    Quote Originally Posted by linda49
    C.V. - The problem seems to be gossip and jealousy. Who was or wasn't invited to a birthday party or outing. Who said what about whom. Normal for their age perhaps but it's completely out of hand - every minute of every day someone is on the receiving end. It's the magnitude that really concerns me - Lord of the Flies. My daughter is not always the victim and she's been quilty, too. This behavior is not condoned in our family. Maybe it's just me.
    Hi linda,

    I think I understand all too well how difficult this is for you. For me, this was the point in my daughter's life where I was NO LONGER her protector 24/7. :( It was time for her to start handling certain things on her own...

    I'm glad to hear there have been no physical altercations. That's a good thing! When this sort of thing reached the stage you are talking about around here, it usually caused issues at school, as well as at home. If your daughter's school has a guidance councelor, I would suggest you contact him/her and request that all the girls involved AND at least one of their parents be called in for a conference. We always found this to be extremely beneficial. The girls were forced to confront each other and given the opportunity to freely express what each was pissed off about. The parents were more or less observers, unless the stories differed from the ones the we had been told at home, then we called the girls out on it. You would be surprised had how little they had to say - some admitted they were only mad because someone else was! It was a really good way for them to SEE how ridiculous they were being, and an excellent way for the parents to meet each other (if they never had). The counselor did not take sides with anyone - she was careful not to alienate any of the girls. When it was all said and done, things were better. Of course there is always ONE instigator who can't leave well enough alone, but when the bullsh!t started up again, the other girls became and less involved.

    As far as here at home? I listened and sympathized and NEVER bad mouthed the girls I was hearing about! I knew all of them, and was fairly sure they would be back together again, so I avoided getting in the middle of it if at all possible. It wasn't easy.. but she had to learn to deal with it. It's hard for them to hear you say that sometimes a person who you think is your friend really isn't - that true friends don't treat you that way. I think once they "get it", the hurt feelings get easier to let go. It's tough.

    Here's something else that I found to also be helpful - and seemed to lessen the outbursts... When everything was going okay and the girls were together, I would ask them how things were. When they said "good", I would suggest that they pay special attention to how happy they all were right then, and ask them to remember this day the next time they were about to get mad at each other over something stupid.

    For the ones who were REALLY friends, they usually figured all this out in junior high. The worst year around here was 7th grade. 8th was some better, and by the time high school started, everything was pretty much okay. There were still arguments, but it was usually with someone she didn't like anyway, so it wasn't a big deal anymore.

    I don't know linda... I guess the best you can do is to just hang in there! Hopefully it will get easier for her to deal with, and she will start feeling better.

    Good luck - to BOTH of you! :)
    CV

  5. #69
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    Re: Teenage girls are 'out of control'

    Thanks C.V. - I appreciate your ideas - my patience is wearing very thin. There have been a few "body checks" by some of the girls - but not on my little angel. I suppose you are right - it will continue to escalate until adults intervenes. Hmmm - guess I'm calling some parents now.

  6. #70
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    Feb 2005
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    Re: Teenage girls are 'out of control'

    Quote Originally Posted by linda49
    Thanks C.V. - I appreciate your ideas - my patience is wearing very thin. There have been a few "body checks" by some of the girls - but not on my little angel. I suppose you are right - it will continue to escalate until adults intervenes. Hmmm - guess I'm calling some parents now.
    It get's better Linda. My soon to be 15 year old today was told that she can't go to the "Options" school (fast accelleration, small classes) until she completes one semester in regular high school of good behavior. No going to the principal, not in school suspension, no being sent to TIES (where they send discipline problem children). If she will wrap her mind around being courteous and well behaved for 12 weeks, then in December I can transfer her to the other school.

    She was not happy. But as I told her, the principal said if he allowed one kid in TIES special treatment, he has to allow all of them. If she can't hang for 60 school days, she doesn't deserve to go to the other school and I'm the only one being put out, the kids have two different times to be at school, one at 7:30 and the other at 8:30, and two different times to get out, One at 11:30 and the other at 3:45, I told her I don't know what she was complaining about things being unfair, I'm the one being put out having to run, run, run all day. That shut her up (until tomorrow anyway), lol. ;)

    Now if we can get the 150 hours of community service she has to do completed this summer at least that will be out of the way. I would never be able to do this if I had to work outside the home.

    In my next life, I'll be barren. :D

    Lady Mod

  7. #71
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    Jun 2005
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    Re: Teenage girls are 'out of control'

    Quote Originally Posted by linda49
    Thanks C.V. - I appreciate your ideas - my patience is wearing very thin. There have been a few "body checks" by some of the girls - but not on my little angel. I suppose you are right - it will continue to escalate until adults intervenes. Hmmm - guess I'm calling some parents now.
    Hi linda,

    If it's getting "physical", then I would definitely contact the other parents if I were you. Not to necessarily "tell on" any of the girls, but just to check in with them to voice your concerns, listen to what they know about everything that's going on, and to see if they have any ideas on how to handle the situation. Physical altercations are not something that anyone can afford to take chances with these days... "better safe than sorry" would be my motto on that one.

    I usually found that most parents were just as concerned as I was, but didn't want to be the one to make the first phone call for fear of retaliation against their own kid from the other girls. Once we all agreed that none of our kids were Saints, the communication was great among us. It was a relief to all that none of us were dealing "alone" with the antics of our kids, and the girls caught on quick to the fact that the parents would call each other if things got too crazy! This, along with the school councelor conferences, kept things from becoming physical among the girls.

    I hope you get a positive response when you call the other parents. It might relieve some of your stress. If you want to share what happens, I would interested to hear!! Good luck... :)

    CV

  8. #72
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    Jun 2005
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    3,088

    Re: Teenage girls are 'out of control'

    Quote Originally Posted by sojustask
    It get's better Linda. My soon to be 15 year old today was told that she can't go to the "Options" school (fast accelleration, small classes) until she completes one semester in regular high school of good behavior. No going to the principal, not in school suspension, no being sent to TIES (where they send discipline problem children). If she will wrap her mind around being courteous and well behaved for 12 weeks, then in December I can transfer her to the other school.
    Hi Lady Mod,

    Wow... that's a great opportunity! - and an awesome program!! I bet your daughter wants it enough to do what it takes to get it.. ;) Does the program allow her to graduate early?


    I'm the only one being put out
    Isn't that the way it ALWAYS is?? lol :rolleyes:


    In my next life, I'll be barren.
    LMAO! My husband and I have laughingly discussed starting a "Lease a Kid" business where potential parents who think having a kid will be SUCH A JOY can have the opportunity to "try it out" first. :D We think it would definitely be a way of controlling the population.... lol

  9. #73
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    12,866

    Re: Teenage girls are 'out of control'

    [QUOTE=Connecticut Victim]Hi Lady Mod,

    Wow... that's a great opportunity! - and an awesome program!! I bet your daughter wants it enough to do what it takes to get it.. ;) Does the program allow her to graduate early? [quote]

    Yes, in fact her older sister who is in it now will graduate by Christmas. A half a semester early. One of her friends just graduated a year early (last week). My daughter didn't start the program until March. They miss prom and walking across the stage with the high school kids, though they can opt to do that, but most of them like getting a head start on college.

    LMAO! My husband and I have laughingly discussed starting a "Lease a Kid" business where potential parents who think having a kid will be SUCH A JOY can have the opportunity to "try it out" first. :D We think it would definitely be a way of controlling the population.... lol
    LOL, my husband is only home 8-12 weeks out of the year. He has no clue how lucky he has been. When the kids are really trying I just look at them and think "Gosh, and to think I could have had a V8 that night instead of sex and avoided all of this." ;)

    Lady Mod

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