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  #1  
Old 04-26-2007, 04:03 PM
Fizban "The Fabulous"
 
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esoteric puzzle

Pure eyes, blue like a glassy bead---
You are always looking at me
and I am always looking at you.

Ah, you're too meek ---
beautiful, unspoiled:
thus I'm so sad, I suffer---
and so happy, it hurts.

I want to hurt you
and destroy myself
What you would think
if you knew how I felt.

Would you simply smile,
not saying a word?
Even curses from your mouth
would be as beautiful as pearls.

I place my left hand on your
face as though we were to kiss.
Then I suddenly shove my thumb
deep into your eyesocket.
Abruptly, decisively,
like drilling a hole.

And what would it feel like?
Like jelly?
Trembling with ecstasy, I obscenely
mix it around and around: I must
taste the warmth of your blood.

How would you scream?
Would you shriek "It hurts!
It hurts!" as cinnabar-red tears
stream from your crushed eye?

You can't know the maddening
hunger I've felt in the midst of
our kisses, so many of them
I've lost count.

As though drinking in your cries,
I bring my hopes to fruition:
biting your tongue, shredding it,
biting at your lips as if tasting
your lipstick.

Oh, what euphoric heights I would
reach, having my desires fulfilled
like a greedy, gluttonous cur.

I longed, too, for your cherry-tinted
cheeks, tasty enough to bewitch my
tongue.
I would surely be healed,
and would cry like a child.

And how is your tender ear?
It brushes against my cheek;
I want it to creep up to my lips so
I can sink my teeth into its flesh.

Your left ear, always hearing words
whispered sweet as pie ---
I want it to hear my true feelings.
I never lied, no...
but I did have my secrets.

Ah, but what must you think of me?
Do you hate me? Are you afraid?
As though inviting you to the agony
at the play's end; if you wish, you
could destroy me --- I wouldn't care.

As you wish, you may destroy me
--- I wouldn't care



-------------------------------------------

can you solve the puzzle ?

It is a four digit number


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  #2  
Old 04-28-2007, 08:44 PM
jigglepete's Avatar
jigglepete jigglepete is offline
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Re: esoteric puzzle

I could only come up with three numbers, and they are... 911!! Canibalism is illegal I think...decent prose though...



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  #3  
Old 08-14-2007, 02:40 PM
Paladine's Avatar
Paladine Paladine is offline
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Re: esoteric puzzle

I admit, this one gave me a hard time.

As often in puzzles that are about abstraction, you have to relate
two things without obvious connection to one another. Same thing here.
As you might have noticed while reading the poem, it deals with facial parts.
Now we can overlay the important areas of a face to a keypad without problems.
It looks like this:

1 2 3 eye * eye

4 5 6 ear nose ear

7 8 9 cheek mouth cheek


Most of this riddle is simply fillers, what
we have to focus on is the parts of the face
that are connected with the riddlemakers mouth.
He seems to be a little cannibal.

" ...I place my left hand on your
face as though we were to kiss
then I suddenly shove my thumb
deep into your eyesocket,..."


If you were standing face to face to another person,
your left hand would touch his right side.
So this has to be the RIGHT eye.


"...I must
taste the warmth of your blood.

How would you scream?
Would you shriek "It hurts!
It hurts!" as cinnabar-red tears
stream from your crushed eye?..."

"...taste the warmth of our blood..."
is the important bit. The blood is another thing we have to
watch since he has to lick it up to taste
it.Since the bloody tears are streaming
DOWNWARDS, this means we have to go
DOWN from our starting position (on #1)
and move on to #4.

"...I bring my hopes to fruition:
biting your tongue, shredding it,
biting at your lips as if tasting
your lipstick..."

"...biting at your lips..."
is our next point of interest.
This can be clearly placed as the mouth
area and thus #8 on the keypad.

"...I longed, too, for your cherry-tinted
cheeks, tasty enough to bewitch my
tongue..."

the "..cherry-tinted cheeks..."
are what our flesh-loving friend is after
next, which corresponds to either 7 or 9.


"...your left ear, always hearing words
whispered sweet as pie..."
the left ear corresponds with key #6.

This leaves us with two possibilities for the final combination:

4896 and
4876

i decided on choosing the left cheek variant, because it is located between
the mouth and the left ear, so you might imagine our riddler to first bite the
mouth, lick the cheek and then bite the ear.

The sequence would therefore be 4 8 9 6
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  #4  
Old 08-14-2007, 07:47 PM
coontie coontie is offline
Vashudeva; Ferryman - doing the work...
 
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Re: esoteric puzzle

Quote:
Originally Posted by Paladine
I admit, this one gave me a hard time.

As often in puzzles that are about abstraction, you have to relate
two things without obvious connection to one another. Same thing here.
As you might have noticed while reading the poem, it deals with facial parts.
Now we can overlay the important areas of a face to a keypad without problems.
It looks like this:

1 2 3 eye * eye

4 5 6 ear nose ear

7 8 9 cheek mouth cheek


Most of this riddle is simply fillers, what
we have to focus on is the parts of the face
that are connected with the riddlemakers mouth.
He seems to be a little cannibal.

" ...I place my left hand on your
face as though we were to kiss
then I suddenly shove my thumb
deep into your eyesocket,..."


If you were standing face to face to another person,
your left hand would touch his right side.
So this has to be the RIGHT eye.


"...I must
taste the warmth of your blood.

How would you scream?
Would you shriek "It hurts!
It hurts!" as cinnabar-red tears
stream from your crushed eye?..."

"...taste the warmth of our blood..."
is the important bit. The blood is another thing we have to
watch since he has to lick it up to taste
it.Since the bloody tears are streaming
DOWNWARDS, this means we have to go
DOWN from our starting position (on #1)
and move on to #4.

"...I bring my hopes to fruition:
biting your tongue, shredding it,
biting at your lips as if tasting
your lipstick..."

"...biting at your lips..."
is our next point of interest.
This can be clearly placed as the mouth
area and thus #8 on the keypad.

"...I longed, too, for your cherry-tinted
cheeks, tasty enough to bewitch my
tongue..."

the "..cherry-tinted cheeks..."
are what our flesh-loving friend is after
next, which corresponds to either 7 or 9.


"...your left ear, always hearing words
whispered sweet as pie..."
the left ear corresponds with key #6.

This leaves us with two possibilities for the final combination:

4896 and
4876

i decided on choosing the left cheek variant, because it is located between
the mouth and the left ear, so you might imagine our riddler to first bite the
mouth, lick the cheek and then bite the ear.

The sequence would therefore be 4 8 9 6
That is really strange... Not implying regarding you, but "Who" dwells upon such things, especially masking them in prose?
Perhaps the "Dragon/Serpent" types you have commente upon previously? :rolleyes:

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  #5  
Old 08-14-2007, 08:39 PM
BiR's Avatar
BiR BiR is offline
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Re: esoteric puzzle

4 - 8 - 7 - 6 or 4 - 8 - 9 - 6

Silent Hill 3 :rolleyes: ;) :)
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  #6  
Old 08-14-2007, 09:13 PM
Paladine's Avatar
Paladine Paladine is offline
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Re: esoteric puzzle

Interesting, looks like a survival horror with some strange puzzles.

Quote:
Perhaps the "Dragon/Serpent" types you have commente upon previously?
Maybe, looks scary, found out its made by the japenese... its Japanese horror.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silent_Hill_(video_game)
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  #7  
Old 08-15-2007, 05:32 AM
coontie coontie is offline
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Posts: 3,604
Re: esoteric puzzle

Makes one wonder. in another respect, dimension, what the future will bring. What will become of humanity. Especially entertaining material such as this!
Diabolical and demented to say the least! :rolleyes:

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  #8  
Old 08-15-2007, 09:14 AM
Paladine's Avatar
Paladine Paladine is offline
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Re: esoteric puzzle

Its best to knnow and understand our darkness then to hide from it.

Its not just the game thats 'evil' as how would the ancient understand and write about the dimensions of 'hell'

Its not the games that bring hell to you.
Some times hell comes and find you.

Silent hill remind me of Ayahuasca - an ayahuasca vision can reveal itself as a kind of hell in which a person is forced—literally—to face his or her demons. ...

We all have to deal with our demons..we all have to go to hell before heaven

I think experiencing this helped a lot because i didn't realize i had so much pain still in me. Going through it helped me release all the pain and density I was carrying from that experience. I felt like crap during it too. I felt like my world was crushing down on me. Like nothing will ever be ok again, until i realized that these things weren't true.

I have learned, that i am always ok. The world will not crash around me if i surrender control. I always felt responsible. I learned during the ceremonys that i don't have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. That was one nice feeling!

another time i experienced something much worse. Death. Evil spirits took on a form of 'good spirits' and tried to convince me to cross over while at the same time i felt my soul being ripped out of my body. I was scared S***less. It was complete agony. I had to fight with every fiber of my being to stay alive.

Lesson from that; i need to surrender control.

I never felt so alone in my entire life as i did during that ceremony. Till at the end i realized i wasn't alone at all. Still, i have trouble surrendering my life to anyone, even if it's a test or a process which i KNOW for a fact i have to go through. It's tough.

Sometimes in the darkest of dark experiences I have had, what I thought was fighting for my soul was just fighting for my ego. Ego death (and rebirth) is scary as hell, and seems like the end of the world. Once I let go of the hold my ego had on things, the pain and fear subsided. Much easier said that done though!!

I learned theres no dark in the light... and that its the light that casts shadows


i foudn that we needed a reasont o open our hearts... and to honor its presence and i no longer look at the dark and the light from dualistic points of view...
they are one...
so there you go...



Words simply can't do this experience justice. I've never had a trip come even remotely close to the intensity and power of this one, and I've taken some fairly powerful doses of quite a few psychedelics. If LSD were a toy Tonka truck, then ayahuasca is an 18 wheeler. I was propelled out of linear time and into the realms of archetypes and quantum realities. As a result, its impossible to really give an accurate description of the experience. Certainly a chronological report is out of the question, as I'm not sure which events occured in which order, and in which universe they took place.


I take an half ounce of Mimosa hostilis root bark extracted

9PM: Me and R drive my friend B to drop her off where she was meeting a friend. The plan at this point is to go back to my place, where I would take all 15 capsules and R was going to stay for a while just so he could see me trip.

9:30: R and I arrive back at my place. As I sat there with the capsules in front of me, I got a sudden overwhelming feeling that I should not take all 15. I ask R if he wanted to try it, and he says yes. We each take a tablespoon's worth (about 3g) of crushed harmala seeds which had been gelcapped.

9:45: I take 8 of the capsules and R takes 7.

10-11PM: The trip comes on slowly. All goes much like my other ayahuasca dreams. It is pleasant and mild, and there is no nausea. It is at this point comparable to half a hit of average blotter acid. Very mild. Almost too mild. We try playing with candles and blacklight to try and intensify the trip. I begin to think "Damn the dry extract doesn't work anywhere near as good as the liquid." and feel disappointed with the trip.

11:30: I had about a dose worth of liquid Mimosa extract in my closet. I consider getting it out and splitting it with R to try and make the trip stronger. The idea of tasting the vile root bark tea makes me hesitate.

12AM: Still considering taking more, when all of the sudden I begin to feel nauseous. R feels this at the same time. At the same time, the mental effects begin to dramatically intensify. I have to turn off the blacklight because it is ****ing with me too hard. I turn to R and say, "This is TOO much, I want it to stop." He says "No, this is cool!". About 5 seconds later we both jump up and run to the bathrooms (I have 2 in my apartment) and puke violently. I throw up lumps of Mimosa tar and ground harmala seeds. The Mimosa chunks seem to have expanded in my stomach, and I stare into my toilet at large black chunks. I honestly cannot tell what I'm looking at - did I just throw up a spleen?? What is that in the toilet? Was that supposed to come out?!?! What IS that? I am shaking and sweating. I manage to get up, flush, and walk halfway back to my bed when I feel it again and run and puke in my bathroom sink, unable to make it to the toilet. In the other bathroom, I hear R throwing up loudly. I begin thinking "****, are we OK?" I begin yelling "R! R! I think I'm not OK!" but he is busy vomiting. I feel my pulse race, I feel burning hot, I'm still trembling from vomitting so hard. I seriously wonder if I'd poisoned myself.

12:15: We're done puking and sitting on my bed shaking. I have to take a ****. I get up and go into the bathroom. I sit on the toilet and ****. As I do, I begin to realize I am dying. I know I am going to be dead within minutes, and I'm thinking "Damn, I don't want to be one of those people who die taking a ****." I don't want to be remembered as some one who took some weird drug and died taking a ****. I am terrified. I squeeze the rest of it out very quickly, wipe as fast as I can, and pull my pants up as I stumble out of the bathroom. "Yes, I made it out of there and I'm not dead YET." As I'm walking back to my bed, I suddenly have to puke again. Once more, I just hurl into my bathroom sink, afraid to go back to the toilet. As I stand there squeezing Mimosa tar out of my throat, I look into my bathroom mirror and notice my reflection isn't there. My room is there, but I'm simply not in the reflection. Maybe I *DID* die while I was ****ting! This slides into a memory gap. For the next several hours, there is absolutely no way of piecing together a coherent, linear chronology of what happened. Time no longer functioned properly.
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  #9  
Old 08-15-2007, 09:15 AM
Paladine's Avatar
Paladine Paladine is offline
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Re: esoteric puzzle

Time Chunk 1: R and I are on my bed. I have no idea who, where, or when I am. I keep asking R, who seems to be answering me in riddles. "What is going on R?!?" "What do you THINK is going on?" I realize I am not in reality dealing with R anymore. I know that this is in fact some sort of Bardo entity. I am dead, and this entity is trying to make me realize that I've died, and accept my death...sort of like the character of the chiropractor in the movie Jacob's Ladder, who makes Jacob realize that he has died. Like Schroedinger's Cat, I look back and am quite certain that I was in a state of being simultaneously dead and alive, occupying the same space in two universes. Had I accepted my death, I would have become locked in a reality where I had in fact died, and would not be writing this today. I also think that another version of me in another reality DID accept his death, and did die. That parallell me, I think, somehow communicated with the earlier me, and warned me not to take all the capsules. I can think of no other explanation for why I didn't take all 15 as I had originally planned. *This* me, however, realized that he was not dead, and managed to survive that night.

Time Chunk 2: My entire room mirror images itself. Left becomes right, and vice versa. This spatial distortion is so complete that ebem writing on my posters and tape cases is reversed, looking as if they would held up to a mirror. Time Chunk 3: Things look severely distorted. R walks into my room and I see him in the form of some kind of Indian god. Four faces around his head, multiple arms. I realize I am looking at one of the Wrathful Deities from the Tibetan Book of the Dead. Every time I blink my eyes, my room changes shape, size, layout, and lighting. Furniture rearranges itself and ceases to be identifyable.

Time Chunk 4: Things get really ****ed up. It was as if my room were reduced to a 2 dimensional picture which was subsequently torn to confetti and thrown into a blender. My head was attatched to R's arm. My foot is sticking out of the wall, next to a book which had somehow fused with my alarmclock. All concept of space, time, and direction are scrambled. "I" is not even a vaguely remembered concept. Ultimate chaos. Ultimate fear.

Time Chunk 5: We are sitting on my bed. We find ourselves endlessly looping through the same 5 minute chunk of time. The odd thing is we are aware of this loop, and able to talk about it. The only problem is that since time is looping, so is the conversation. We think up ways to try and count the loops, only to forget them when God hits the rewind button next. R commented that it was like the Star Trek Generations movie. It is both funny and annoying. Neither of us to this day can tell whether we were simply real ****ed up and kept repeating ourselves verbatim over and over, or whether we actually experienced the same 5 minutes hundreds of times. While this is going on, and for the rest of the trip, there is an intense telepathy between me and R, to the point where I would have an itch and he would scratch his foot, and we would have to spend some time trying to decide who was having which thoughts. "Am I thinking that, or are you?" "Uhh, I think its me but Im not sure..." Words are annoyingly clumsy. Our conversation becomes:

"You know?"
"Yeah..."
"Exactly!!!"
"Yeah I know..."

and it made complete sense. The words were spoken simply out of a habit for verbal speech. The real conversation was telepathic. We found ourselves able to feel/be other people who were not physically present, particularly our friend B who left before this all began. This went beyond time, into higher dimensions, as well, and we both simultaneously were aware of an old Chinese man eating noodles with chopsticks, and realized that this event happened centuries ago. We are able to see my bedroom in other times as well, and see people who had been there.

Time Chunk 5: We are lying on my bed. We both had our eyes closed, and were unable to move or open our eyes, yet somehow could still talk (not sure if it was telepathically or verbally). It occurs to us that we are in fact asleep or otherwise unconscious.



Time Chunk 6: We are on my bed. Nuclear bombs are on the way in. We see one streak across the sky, and the mushroom cloud. A red glow rushes towards us.



Time Chunk 7: I look out my window. There is a cop car down the street with its lights on. Are we in jail? Did we get busted and not remember it? Probably. What is a cop anyway, and what is jail? Neither of us know, but we know a cop has put us in jail. NO WAIT! Im not in jail, I'm at work! ****! How do I keep everyone from knowing Im this ****ed up?! Where do I work anyway? Who the **** am I? Where am I, when am I, and who is tripping? Is it me? What's a me?!?!

Time Chunk 8: I am dying, I know I am. I begin asking for B. Where is she? I want her to be here. My God, I'm dying and all I want is just to see her once more before I die. B!!! I tell R "Oh ****, I think I'm in love with B...what should I do?" Where is she? Wasnt she here? I need her here now. She doesnt even know I love her and now I'm going to die. I begin saying her name, hoping she will somehow hear me.

3:33: R says "Its 3:33, make a wish!" I regain a foothold on linear time. From this moment on, there are no more gaps in my memory, and I remember things in the order they actually happened. But we are still halfway outside of time, and are able to easily look into other times and parallell realities, even to the point of manipulating them. We find it necessary to identify ourselves not just by name but by time and place, "Murple in 1998 in my room" "R 3 years from now in the universe where I didnt take the DMT", etc. We slowly begin to lose this extra-temporal sense though, and gradually become grounded in one time and one universe. We begin looking back at the trip and trying to make sense of it all. The next few hours are spent unwinding, coming back, and talking about the THING we just experienced.

5:00: My roommate knocks on my door, "You guys are still up?!?" We look at the clock and are blown away that we'd been tripping for 7 hours. All previous ayahuasca journeys had lasted an hour or two. We are shocked.

6:00: I finally feel grounded enough to drive, and take R home. I get back around 6:45. To complete the time loop, I focus and try to send a thought to my previous self, "DONT TAKE ALL 15 CAPSULES ME, YOU WONT MAKE IT THROUGH!" I go to sleep, and have wild dreams.

I woke up the next day not quite sure I was the same me in the same reality as I was yesterday. It even occurred to me that perhaps I was still tripping and this was yet another hallucination. The next night I saw R, and he said he had the same thought. Over 2 months later, I still am not sure I came back to the same universe I left. I am still trying to put this in perspective. I can still remember it vividly. The problem is, I dont remember events in the order they actually occured in. The "Time Chunks" above are just that - snippets of reality that certainly did not happen in the order in which I wrote them.

What did I learn? I finally faced my feelings for B, for one - that would be the real world application of this trip, one I am still coming to terms with. I also learned that ayahuasca is VERY powerful stuff, exponentially stronger than any other psychedelic I've ever tried. I feel as if I was shown the machine language of the universe. But in all honesty, it will be many years before I fully understand this trip - if ever.
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  #10  
Old 08-15-2007, 09:37 AM
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Paladine Paladine is offline
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Re: esoteric puzzle

This game could be surely dangerous,


I have had a chance to borrow a copy of the ame and play it.

this game clearly is setting out to appeal to the more mature, gaming demographic. I see this game as being just as much of a work of art as a great film or novel, games aren't just mario anymore. For instance, in this game there are feelings, emotions, themes, all conveyed with Hollywood-quality story telling techniques. Now as far as offensive elements, they can be found in abundance, if you're the type of person who cannot appreciate art, because they feel it conflicts with their religion, Silent Hill is not for you. But try to look at it this way, look at it as if it was a high quality horror movie, such as The Shining. Now if you took offense to The Shining, then you will not be too pleased with Silent Hill either. But to compare the two is quite easy, both are artfully done products that deal with occult themes, and both are critically acclaimed because of it. If you're the kind of person who is not willing to understand the great work of art at hand, then pass. But if you have an open mind, and enjoy artfully done psychological thrillers, this is a game worth checking out.


Silent Hill epitomizes everything that is frightening, that is horrific about the degeneration of the human psyche, what it becomes as the town is "devoured by the Darkness" as Mason puts it. Silent Hill is a portrait of a town, the psychology, the intricate structure that makes up it's framework and how it's being corrupted inside out.

it is a labyrinth of self discovery, of conquering, of riding out the bitter half of the cycle in light of devastating circumstances. Yes, at face value, there is not much good this game can do for the fun of christians.

There will be a point at which you ask yourself "Why am I playing this?", and from there, your true journey will begin. If I were a christian I would find this offensive at face value, but I do not find it offensive at all in light of the journey I undertake. There is nothing more positive than the realization that only in darkness can there be light.

Really, this game is brilliant in every conceivable way. It's a shame that only the strong can witness it...

Also, kids should stay away (for now). They probably wouldn't even understand a thing that is going on in the game anyways. If you are the latter, then keep reading... **CHRISTIAN VALUE** Absolutely none. The game does involve cults and that will bother some Christians. Why does it not bother me? SH does not try to bring you to the "dark side" and make you think that cults are a good thing. I'm sure the makers of the game aren't devout devil worshippers hoping to way kids their way.

but SH is still a very, very good game. With the fog and snow falling outside, and running through very dark buildings with just a small flashlight, you'd probably be better off playing this game with other people around and with all the lights on. Also, one of the major pluses of the game is the sound effects. Just play it, and you'll see. SH is scarier than any movie I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of movies. The plot is difficult to understand, and a lot of people probably will be confused the entire game.

I am bout half way through SH1 - one of THE best games I've ever played, and I have read that Silent Hill 2 only gets better.

you are FIGHTING AGAINST the evil understanding it then releasing it, not glorifying it. I mean, look at it, in almost every game of this nature, you're character is put in a dark situation with almost no possible way out, yet you destroy the evil and make it out alive, I can't possibly see the problem with that. Now, I'm not trying to ARGUE about it, I'm just saying how I feel, ya know? Personally I have to say it's an incredible game.

But there is a deeper meaning to this game, in fact, there are several. It focuses on psychological decay and how a man overcomes it, and it focuses on overcoming darkness and corruption. Now yes, the game is full of the occult, but just because it has occult in it doesn't mean its saying "succumb to the devil." The occult just states that yes the town has become evil due to the evil intentions of those that are in it and the evil intentions of those who made it that way. Your mission is at first to find your daughter, but there is later a subconscious mission of the main character to overcome the madness that he has found in the bowels of the mutated town and escape with his daughter. The storyline focuses a lot around the dipping in and out of reality-- the town, in fact, is a living nightmare of a girl with strange powers. The main character, Harry, finds this out when he is constantly going in and out of this nightmare world. The town's darkness obviously effects him through his "adventure,"

there is nothing "Satanic" about this game, and there is nothing the pressures the occult on anyone. I do recommend this game for all Christians, even though I am not one, because it focuses on destroying darkness from the bowels of darkness. It says that light can only be found in darkness, and once you reach that light, you will overcome darkness. It is a good teaching, I believe, for many Christians and even their children (although children should not be presented this game until they are teenagers due to the violence in the game). As a non Christian, I love the disturbing nature of the game because it gets me scared, and I love to be scared-- but just because I am not Christian doesn't mean that I don't see the goodness in the game and what it presents. And what it presents is very positive, and something that not only Christians should learn but that society should learn in general.


what is love?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zj1nJ...elated&search=
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  #11  
Old 08-15-2007, 09:18 PM
coontie coontie is offline
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Re: esoteric puzzle

Paladine - ALL of this is damn interesting! Really gives some insight if one cares to really discern, examine all of this material. I will comment more later.
However, what you related enters into the realm of the "TRUE REALITY". A realm that we live our lives parallel to but never realize it. That is why we, in living this "REALITY" of life never are truthfully aware of what is "REAL".
Follow me? I think yu do! :cool:

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  #12  
Old 08-16-2007, 03:47 PM
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Paladine Paladine is offline
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Re: esoteric puzzle

There is a big difference between LSD and Ayahuasca.

aya is more nature, organtic, loving,
Where LSD is more sythetic, machine like.

I once took 150 mics of LSA for breakfast.I felt good during the comeup, energetic, the build was very subtle and slow.

10:00 AM I am tripping lightly, no visuals no hightened awareness only strengthened vision and attention to details. Time spent listening to music, which sounded normal, and doing small chores arround the house.

12:00 PM four hours passed, extremely subtle trip no pattern movement, vision enhanced. Definately not mind blowing, very unimpressed.

13:00 PM This is definately not going to impress me, but maybe if I take a bigger dose... What I did next was one of the stupidest mistakes of my life, i took another 150 mics of LSA. I decide to go out for a walk, and see how it is to be out in nature and aimed to get back before the second dose starts to kick in.

14:PM During my walk I notice that my awarness is hightend, there is a greater sense of presence and my mind is quiet, almost meditative. I found the state pleasant. After a while I start noticing that objects are starting to look very different, they are much clearer and stick out in a way. I felt that there was a synthetic, manufactured quality to it, very different from what I experience on mushrooms and ayahuasca where I have a certain sense of communication with the organism(s), however I considered that it might just be my predjudice against chemicals and that I might be projecting the quality to some extent.

15 PM I have to hurry home from my walk as my eyes are beginning to hurt because of the light of sun (I was wearing sunglasses and it was a cloudy day.) It was very unpleasant.

16 PM Eyes dilating more, the world looks a bit like a cartoon, the effect in the film 'Waking Life' comes to mind somewhat. I have to draw all the curtains to stand the light.

17: PM The intensity is going up, I lie down in bed and decide to yogicly explore this awareness. As I allow my mind to relax and open, I start seeing geometric patterns and fractals that grow in intensity the deeper i go. The patterns are very intense and colorful, morphing and forming at great speeds and sort of going off in infinite cascades. This nature starts invading my mind, my thoughts start going off in logical loops ad infinitum. My mind goes into automatic loops and functions. I am terrified and can only look on as it goes deeper and deeper into my ego and sense of self, taking over and 'digitizing' me. Soon I can't recognize my mind anymore, but I manage to hold onto a sense of self.

I am in horror at this drug deconstructing my mind, heedlessly destroying my sense of self and taking over the circuitry of my brain. It was all cold nihilistic mathematics. I managed somehow to protect that part of me which the drug could not reach, the part of me that was human and witnessing the event. I got up and moved around - my movements were robotic, sounds were warped into 'cubes' everything in my world was now some absurd synthetic replication of ordinary reality. I truly felt like a robot, many times I screamed out aloud to whatever divine force could hear me to get me out of this nightmare, I tried everything I could think of to remind me about what it's like to be human.

This state was the peak and what followed was a kind of 24 hour plateau.

DAY 2

The details of what happend during the coming day evades my memory, basicaly it was spent waiting for the drug to wear off. It was going on intensely as ever for a good 18 hours more. I kept on drinking lots of water, I had no apetite but i forced myself to eat- food tasted horrendous, it was a challenge to even swallow it.

The worst part during the plateau was perhaps the intense pain of the inhuman pupil dilation the drug was causing. I had to sit for the better part of the experience in a darkened room as my eyes were so sensitive to the light, I would feel blinded by the dim light coming from my cellphone. The times I had to go out to go to the bathroom, I put on my sunglasses and wrapped something arround my head to keep out the light, my eyes had no ability to adjust to the light whatsoever.

The intensity seemed to come and go in waves, at times I could relax and let my body rest, at other times if I so much as stopped moving around my eyes would start dilating again and the pain would come. If I closed my eyes it was as if the drug wanted to see even more light and my pupils would dilate even more, I had to constantly keep sensory information coming in to avoid the pain, this was extremely exhausting and it meant that I couldn't do anything but stay put in one place and stare out into space. Reading was impossible, sleep was out of the question, music sounded terrible and warped, I just had to sit and wait for practicaly the whole day.

It was terribly lonely, I felt spaced out and disconnected from reality and I didn't know anyone out here in the country who was initiated in the psychedelic world (and word of such things spreads quickly in this small town) so I couldn't call anyone to ask to come and keep me company. I called some friends and that kept me grounded, but they couldn't do anything to ease the suffering.

THE EMERGENCY WARD

After 36 hours, arround 8PM, I felt near physical and emotional collapse and the intensity seemed to be as high as ever. I realized that this wasn't going to end soon and that if I went on like this I might have a psychotic breakdown. Also I didn't have any strong sedatives like valium at home to make me go to sleep. Feeling finally and utterly desperate I called a cab and went to the emergency ward.

I was treated with compassion, given some strong sedatives and a room to sleep in. I woke up the next day feeling much better, I was told that I was free to go if I wanted, so I put on my sunglasses and caught the bus. My eyes hurt but at least they could adjust to light and I could be outside enough to take the bus home. I felt shaken and extremely vulnerable the whole day.

Later that day someone came to visit me, at this point I was quite normal mentally and didn't let on at all about what had happened, I simply said I was feeling ill and had a very bad headache and couldn't do anything but rest.

Thank god for rest and sweet, sweet darkness. Thank god also that no one is going to find out about this unless I tell them.

REFLECTIONS

4 days later I'm still not completely restored, I have to wear sunglasses outside sunny or not. Mentally I am stable, sounds are more normal but there are certain sound ranges like deep drones that I can't hear. I don't know what after effects will continue to show up and if anything in my brain has been permanently altered.

After this experience I will probably never do chemical drugs again. And I honestly don't believe that I am 'throwing the baby out with the bath water' and simply rejecting all chemicals because of one bad experience. I don't believe in any way that people can't have truly mystical and spiritual experiences on them, and I don't believe they permanently alter the brain. It's simply that I am humanly, spiritually and utterly uninterested in the quality of the experience that they offer. What I have tasted on organic 'teachers' is a sort of communion of oneness with nature and the cosmos, I have truely felt like I communicated with a living organism that has a whole realm of its own being.

In this experience I felt the nature of the chemical, it was manifactured, it was synthesized, it was soulless and it was utterly heedless and incapable of compassion. Extendedly this is the nature of technology as a whole, what I experienced was a technocratic nightmare. I Also realized here directly and profoundly that technology doesn't have its own agenda, it simply does what we make it do. I though of the Matrix and realized that this was exactly the nature of the machines that I was directly witnessing, infinitely self-replicating in an absurd nihilistic way acording to mathematical functions and simply incapable of concern or compassion.

But we have to keep in mind that technology can't come into existence by itself, it has to be devised by the organic human mind. I can now after this see from a spiritual perspective how even technology is an aspect of spirit or 'god', as it is created by humans and as I personaly believe that the human mind and heart at their deepest core are inseperable from spirit. Technology does have a subjective experience in the noosphere (the sphere of concept and mind for those unfamiliar with the term), but only through the human mind. As we carve and form and create in the world around us and form mental concepts about it we are in a way creating the world itself, and spirit which is the ultimate 'suchness' or 'emptiness' underlying all phenomenon manifests an aspect of its creative drive through us in a way. What I believe we have to do at this point in our evolution is to start to realize that we are not slaves of the machine a.k.a the system. Humankind is slaving its way through existence with an absurd victim mentality not realizing that the world we experience is of our own making, and that we have a choice to go on and transcend this state and that a new paradigm awaits us on the other side.

I hope my experience will be of help to any curious soul wishing to explore the reaches of mind and opening the doors with such chemical lockpicks. I can only tell you where I went and what I found there, you have to take my words as they are and figure things out for yourself!
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The internet is the last light of truth and hope...it is truly of the people, by the people and for the people. We must not let it be subverted for any purpose other than the truth. And that truth shall spread to every man woman and child across the globe. No longer will those in power carry the sole means to decide for us, yet we now shall have the power to decide to tune them out.

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  #13  
Old 08-17-2007, 08:29 AM
coontie coontie is offline
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Re: esoteric puzzle

The next to the last [the largest] paragraph said it all. That is quite profound.
Also, I understand, NOT through personal experminentation, but what I have read and what others have said is that what you said regarding chemical mind altering substnces is very true.
Apparently what has hapened is that in the constructing of the chemical materials through an attempt to copy actual herbal/organic material constituents is that the transistion is incomplete and thaty there are some minut properties and trace elements contained within the herbal/organic material that buffer and moderate the sensations to, shall we say, "smmoth out", make the experience more comfortable and pleasant.
Then as well, regarding the idea of staying with organics altogether is the idea of, especially in the expermentation stage/process, of beginning with smal doses and giving the substance time to make itself fully known.
Also, as with many drugs, the same amount taken by one indivudlal will not suffice for another. It may require more or less.
Also, avoid the use of alcohol while using. Otherwise, it could be fatal.
You should write a book regarding these experiences, seriously!


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